Leaving people I love

I'm probably the person who has the most leaving dos done from work, and it's been going on for over two weeks now. Tonight is the last night, we were out for drinks, I wasn't even sure if I was drunk (just 2 pints, so I shouldn't be) but it did appear to be so for them. 

I hate leaving. I stood out there after they walked me home, I just stood there and cried. I was sad because I am leaving these people that I love, but I'm even more sad because I see tears in them. I kept saying this isn't the end of it, but by heart we all know, at one point of our life some people may appear to be so important and special to you, but 10 or 20 years later (if not less) when you look back, they are just part of the memory, part of the history. 

Though one thing that I always do, I keep people in my heart. I reserve places for different people, big and small places. And nothing changes this, not even time. 

I never knew it could be so difficult, or I may have done done a different decision. The saddest part is life will move on, the things that you cry about today, no longer matters some days later. Sad, isn't it? No? I don't want these people to just be in my memory. That ain't good enough. Tell me think about them and have a smile on your face? This ain't good enough. I want to see them, and smile. 

Nothing I can do to change. I will let go one day. What's worse, one of them is going to drop me off in the airport tomorrow... 

Leaving the job

Tomorrow will be my last day at work, as a preparation of this emotionally difficult shift I've been thinking about it quite a lot these nights. After my second last shift on Tuesday I finally realized it's approaching. This is happening. 

I think I have always been someone who don't take leaving and separation well. But if everything else isn't a problem, would I choose to stay on? To work as an NA for more years? Just because I'm happy there, I have great caring friends there? No I won't. In fact I wouldn't have been as happy as I am if I'm still here for longer. My leaving makes many of us get much closer, also makes many of them closer. So this separation much take place, now or later. 

So I've convinced myself to accept it. Even I stay for longer, I'd probably grow more grumpy like a lot of people who have been there for years or even decades. So this is the best time to leave. It forms the best memory of my life. 

It's still difficult though, having the thought that I may not see many of these great people again in my life. I said my last good bye to my manager, and others whom I may not see, who have transferred to another ward... Not just the members of staff, even the patients, for some I have known there for over 2 years, other for over 2 weeks, I like them, I want to see them get better and leave the hospital... 

I feel bad having some friends feeling sad about my leaving, especially after all these great supports, chats, and quality times spent together. I feel bad to have made them sad. But I can only do so selfishly, at the same time hope they'd be happy for me (just like I did for another member of staff, who moved to another ward, and seen him happier there, even if I liked him to be on my ward). 

Let's hope I wouldn't be in tears tomorrow. We're still going to one of the colleagues' house for dinner, I hope I'm not drinking though, I can see if I drink I'm going to even more sad =.=.

Values of Life

Yet another October, my blog is now 4 years old.

There's been a lot of thought recently but I don't know what and how to write, perhaps too unorganized. Life has been pretty enjoyable. I remember telling a few friends and also my mum that I'm not aiming to be rich in my life, I am aware how important money is, but I'm not going to work for money. And guess what, within few weeks I kind of regret saying that HAHAHA. It's like the kind of lesson that God or someone wants me to learn. I start finding I need and do not have money in order to do a lot of things, especially we're planning a trip to Norway and Switzerland, and everything is about money, money and money. Really? Life do you have to do this to me?!

I just thought I want to lead a contented life through helping people in needs, and here I'm referring to people who need help psychologically or mentally. I suppose when people see no point of me leaving the country and go home (to, erhmm, survive with a rm2k salary, traffic jams, crimes, corrupted government, etc etc) as opposed to the kind of freedom, all physically, psychologically and financially that I have here. But really I see no point of being a health care assistant in a forensic service for any time longer that I've done so far, it really isn't fulfilling... I think I have far more potential to help people than what I do now. And I think I've been a lucky person all my life so maybe I can share some fortune with the unfortunates too?

Ah anyway, we'll soon see where the life leads me. Yesterday I read the final words of this 40 years old Singaporean billionaire who suffered from lung cancer and passed away about 10 days ago. I think I'm right. I somehow feel grateful that I haven't been adopting the definition of success and values of the society nowadays. There must be times that we're lost, but do some reflection every day, just 5 minutes or even less, sit down and close your eyes, and think about how you've been doing today, and whether that's really the kind of life you want to lead, if you only had a month life left, and whether this is the kind of life you want to lead, if you look back 20 years later and see no regrets.

"Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live."

End of Another Chapter

Huh what?!?! I handed in my research dissertation today! That unofficially marked the end of my postgraduate study. Oh my god, I still can't quite believe it, this feeling is incredible (the 4th or 5th time I'm saying this today XD).

It hasn't been an easy year I've got to say, but now what? It's all over. I'm once again... "no longer a student". I didn't quite feel it this strong the last time I completed my undergraduate, though that was an exam that marked the end.

Guess it's just important to thank everyone especially my family and some close friends who make this whole year easier for me, and to make this possible. I truly appreciated that! I also made a few cards using the pictures I took in Brighton as a farewell gift to some international friends and as a thank you card to some who have really helped me. :) Now I can only hope that it all goes well and I can wear my gown again on January next year :D.

I'm going to relax!! and enjoy Brighton, for the first time, without any "immediate" stress, I'm going to enjoy Brighton. Oh by the way, I've got so tanned when a friend visited me last week and we kind of crazily walked by the seaside all the way to Marina then to Hove. If mama sees this she's going to think this is how I looked when I was in Hin Hua. =X (to be honest even I couldn't quite recognize myself from the mirror =__=)

Anyway, if you were to ask me about my future plan. Well, I have two more stages of Hypnotherapy diploma to complete in September. Then hopefully do some travellings in european countries (and visit Miriam in Hamburg!!). Depending on what HR says, I might come back full time on my job in the hospital - my manager would be happy with it. Then I should be going home. I'm going to work with people who need me!!! :)) If like most of my colleagues you're going to ask about doing a PhD, yes!! But not now... I'd love to become a student again, but seriously, I'm not a study freak, that should take place at some points of my life when I know what I'd love to spend three years with.

P.S. Oh my god, the label "my PG study" will probably never be used again?!

Chinese New Year 2012

It's now the 4th day of Chinese New Year. And it's finally that I feel it's going to over. Lol. Yes, because I don't get to celebrate it, I want it to be over as soon as possible. It was kind of depressing when it was approaching it, and the first couple of days. To be honest I don't remember feeling so down in the past few CNYs. But perhaps one of the things is that I had to complete two essays due this week (later today). The only thing made me better is to Skype with my family, and I think we did it 3 times on the first day, so I got to watch the fireworks through my sister's Iphone, the kind of thing we always do passing midnight since I have memory. I missed home that I felt I was going to cry on the eve. :(

It's time to go home!

Anyway, I completed my essays today! Just now! So I'm giving myself a brief holiday. Then I realized I have been so tensed, that I do not know how to relax, what I should do to relax. The thing is those ethical form, other assignments etc are still crossing my mind. I somehow lost the ability to relax, sadly. :( Even my entertainment now - watching drama, I'm watching "In Treatment", recommended by a Clinical Psychologist in his visitor lecture. Now I have visitor lecturers every week, twice a week. I quite like this, we get to see different professionals, who come in and tell us what they do, how they do it etc.

I was going to end my post by saying 新年快乐. Then I suddenly recalled the news that I saw, a man passed away playing fireworks on CNY eve. He's just got married last Dec, a father-to-be, he was also the only son at home.. I can't imagine how it's like for his family to lost him in a day like that, that way.. Guess we should just be grateful and treasure what and who we have with us!

New Year, again

It's hard to stop myself from saying it's again, another year. For the past few years I summarized what happened in that year and wrote a post at the end of the year, but not the 2011. It isn't that I haven't achieved anything worth noting, but I haven't got the time to do it. I was at work from 22nd to 26th of Dec, then went to Barcelona on 27th and came back on 30th late night, at work again on new year eve. Other than that I've been trying to work on my addiction essay, linear models exam and preparation for dissertation, and of course, some "necessary" entertainments.

That kind of summarize my life..

It has been quite a year for me. Let's talk about work first. Though I'm not going to talk about the content of my work, but the people I'm working with. I learnt so much, and realized how blessed I'm. I must had done a lot of good deeds in the past to have known some very nice people, for example one left me with her flat keys for me to stay in when she's away for holidays, and a lot of very nice colleagues. I don't think I believe in karma, since I was brought up, being told by my mum that we shouldn't do bad things, but we don't have to do good things too. And I can see where that comes from (it would take few hundreds words to explain that). Yet for me to have received all these kindness, I have to do something to pass the kindness and love around, I think. I don't know how yet, though. Ha ha. Perhaps I just dont like this "owing" feelings, I want to return the favour, but I can't, not yet.

Another major change in the year 2011 must be enrolling myself into a clinical psychology postgraduate study. That's like back in Hin Hua, that's what I call study, and what I realized I've lost - the ability to work so hard like nobody's business. It's way too different from pursuing my undergraduate degree. But I guess I enjoy it, I guess, most of the time, if it's not all the time.

It has also been more than 5 years since I came to the UK. I see how much I've changed, then I wonder if anyone else sees that. There are certainly changes that I don't want them to be, I suppose we human don't always have choice (is free will an illusion? there will be few thousands words discussion..).

Other than that, I went home twice this year. My eldest brother got married in June. I became an aunty in July. I moved to a beautiful city in September. I said Good Bye to my 5 year old Dell and welcomed my Macbook Pro. I started to go to church occasionally. ... ...

New Year resolutions is not something for me. And I think I have so many things to do that I do not need more to have myself fail doing. The most important thing now is to look for my motivation, to pull myself together and study. (Now I'm going to watch drama..)

P.S. I aim to write more about my trip to Barcelona if I have the time!

I want to write something

Yes, I just want to write something. Just re-read my previous post, it was what?! November! and we're now in the 2nd week of December already.. What?!!?!

I handed in all three assignments today. I don't know how they'll come out, I didn't aim high I've got to admit it. But I did try my best. It's just too much. TOO much to cope with. Anyway it's gone now. There is a MOCK exam tomorrow (people tend to ignore the word "mock" when I mentioned that...). I don't think there's anything I can prepare tonight, I'm just going to bring all my handouts tomorrow and see how well I can do. The real exam will be after Christmas holidays. Well, after the so-called holidays, in which I have one 3000 words essay and one 1000 words essay due, one exam, one whole book to finish (for my research dissertation, written by my supervisor!). To be honest I'm really glad to have him as my supervisor, it just seems that he knows "anyone" in the cross-cultural field (I think he was the editor of Journal of Cross-cultural Psychology and the president of something else.....). I hope we'd work well together (well, we should). The workload is going to be highhhh though.

Going to Barcelona with PM, Fel and Jedwind (stranger to my blog - this is originally PM's housemate's friend..) at the end of December! That's going to be my only break. I was really thinking whether I should go, with all my workload (I'm still working, especially returning my "debt" hours). But mama said go to relax (although she also said can go after graduation!). Okay, relax.

It's so cold. I don't know if it's a good idea to live at seafront!! The wind is so bloody strong, I can hear the wind and the wave all the time! And I have to really look after myself because it seems everyone gets sick really easily at this place.. Oh well when it's nice and sunny, it all returns, who gets to see sunrise and sunset every day?!! (Did I say that I live same row with Hilton and many other hotels?!) And my location is even better than Hilton. Ha ha ha ha ha...

Oh Hui Bee, you need to write some quality posts.. D:

Stressful, Emotional, Contented

Handed in the first assignment and did a presentation yesterday. Spent over 12 hours in the uni. Got to know my supervisor today. Working (as in as a health care assistant not a master student) tomorrow all the way till Wednesday morning next week.

This life ain't easy. Another 3 pieces of assignment due in 2 weeks. I hope there is another huibee to help out a little bit.

Ryuji (my presentation group mate, japanese) said, he could feel everyone's stressful too, because everyone gets angry really easily, everyone is like really impatient now. True. I told him I get angry really easily now. With my flatmate Akansha (Indian) closing the door loudly a few times at night and in the morning every day, I spoke to her for the 3rd time about the same thing just now. I actually said "Fuck You" when it happened again. Lol. No, I won't fuck you. Sorry.

Most of the time I'm actually quite happy, despite the stress. I feel contented when I have a lot done, especially nowadays I like to stay in the library and work till evening, with my macbook. Most of the time will be quite lucky to bump into some other stressful big-headed friends who are also rushing for something. But undeniably my emotion fluctuates so much, just slightly better than bipolar mood disorder I believe, slightly.

I made some friends. Met some ASEAN (mainly Malaysian and Singaporean) friends, a Chinese from SiChuan whom I quite like to befriend in my class, a Jap guy that I mentioned already, a Germany girl who is also in my presentation group, and another two Malaysians who took some modules with me. Of course, I also made quite some Hi-and-Bye friends.

Last week I was so fed up with my work manager Phil that I thought about leaving work. Someone who offered to help me turned me down and I nearly had to sleep on the street last week. They said when god closes one door, he will open a window for you. So within 5 minutes the window showed up, then I realized how lucky and blessed I am. Not fed up anymore. But I really want to know whether I should keep the job, and I wonder who can give me the answer.

I bought a Christmas present for the work "secret santa" game. I wrapped it up nicely and cut the letters of her name down from a magazine (poor magazine!) and sticked them on the wrapping paper. I wonder who my secret santa is?!

Damn it when I'm typing this, a Black man opened my door!!!!! I think he's the Jamaican flatmate, Kady's friend. Walao =.=. I'm still in shock. He said sorry and closed the door back. I didn't even smile. It's not okay. I won't smile! (See how easy I get angry!!) Okay, nevermind. By the way my flatmates are all nice, despite what I said about them.

Oh how can I forget that there will be a Malaysian Chinese moving into the flat upstairs next week. I know her from facebook - ha ha, random, I know! But it was because we were all looking for people who're from same kampung before we came to Sussex. (How come chrome didn't pick up "kampung" as a spelling mistake?!?!?!) So next time there will be someone who can have dinner with me or travel back from uni with me (she likes to stay in library to study too).

All these look so random and schizophrenic. Just some screen shots of my life recently. Christmas holidays in two weeks. I really want to ski!! But nobody is interested to go with me so far :(

I think I should talk to mama/family more. It always makes me feel better (no matter what random things we say). And I really want to meet my niece... by the time I meet her, she's probably no longer a baby!!

A Newly PG Student

I moved to Brighton and had my induction last week. It'd be my first class tomorrow, as a MSc. Clinical Psychology and Mental Health student in University of Sussex.

It seems that I didn't give myself enough preparation (psychologically), I caught a cold on Tuesday while I was doing nights, sore throat, cough, fever, headache. Until this second I'm still not sure if my decision of keeping my job is right (but it's certainly not wrong). I suppose that's just something in me, that I always want to make myself proud, (and also people around me), so I take up the challenge.

The weather was amazing when I moved in, I was admiring the beach and walking around quite a lot during the first week (I can see the Brighton beach just through my room window!). But returning from London today, I could barely move downhill as the wind is so strong, yes it still is! I think I forgot, that whether it's Cheltenham, London or Brighton, I'm still in England! Typical English weather!!

Anyway, after a few hours of studies it's time for entertainments! Then I'll get some sleep and go to library before class tomorrow.

Halo August

It's nearly the end of July, and I have not had any update for nearly two months, surprisingly when I checked my viewers there are still about 4 visitors on average every day, I guess it's still the old debatable posts that are receiving attentions (rather than any friends/family).

Life has not been too busy, I simply lost the passion to blog :S.

Something really important to note is that I have turned into an auntie on July the 13th, welcoming my niece to the world. :) She's also a rabbit (Chinese zodiac), was born also at 2+ o'clock in the early morning, just like me, ha ha.

I'm still a grateful person (pure random), though I went through a kind of depressive period when I first came back to London again in June. But things are all good now, sometimes we forget who we are. Sometimes we forget what we really want and need. Sometimes we just focus too much on certain things and overlook other important things.

In 1.5 months, I'm going to be here for 5 whole years. :O

I no longer know how to write a proper blog post...

Compliments to TGV, Bukit Tinggi

Went to watch a movie Kung Fu Panda 2 in TGV, Bukit Tinggi today with a friend. Although the movie is good and I'll recommend it to most people, I'm not writing about it today...

We bought the tickets from the counter at around noon, and there were tickets ready by the machine after we stated what we wanted to watch, which was quite strange, but the cashier double checked and made sure the tickets matched what we wanted exactly (apart from the seats, which were even better). When time approached we went in for the movie, there was a man standing just by the row N (our seats were N9 and N10), and asked to see my tickets, I showed him and he led us out, explained to us that there was system errors- those two seats had been booked online by somebody else, and were taken. I was sort of disappointed and thinking what he could offer us. He then said that he could refund us, then also showed two cards (which was called something like compensation card(?)). My friend asked if there was any seat left in the same screen and he said no but he could offer us couple seat (which was slightly more expensive?) for the next time slot (screending an hour and 50 minutes later). We were cool with the later time since my friend had to wait for her sister anyway. Then he said he could refund us. By then we realized, we were going to get the refund, and still watching a later show (which we're happy with) with better seats [free of charge].

Wow, I didn't know such good service exists in Malaysia nowadays (lol). And this man is polite and very apologetic (well, sure ma, it's their fault!). I'd probably be quite happy if I get a refund and some very good attitudes, but now I get refund, good attitudes, and free good movie, so I'm very happy, and decided to write a compliment on my blog (oh am I too easily pleased?). Hahaha. Well done!

The other thing is he gave us back the torn tickets and just changed the details by hand, so I was like "how if they said we changed it ourselves" and wanted his name, he said they couldn't print a new one, then put his signature on the tickets and said the staff would recognize it was his. I should have got his name [just in case], but now I think if I had then he would get the compliment together. (Eventually we got in without any problem)

P.S. I also feel very paiseh when he explained [a lot] in Malay and I only heard the word "sistem", and asked to repeat in English after he finished. lol

Second time this year

Bought my tickets to go back for my eldest bro's wedding this summer.

and yes, I'm flying home again.

Supposingly I wanted to get Singapore airlines as I'd then get to try the A380 double deck airbus (which, according to Bpeng, is super comfortable! :D)

but I spent too much time considering (actually just one night) and the price raise by £30+, and made the difference between sg airlines and Etihad airlines over £100

So I shall wait for my next opportunity........

P.S. April is coming, quarter of 2011 is going soon. This is getting unbelievable..

P.S. 2 People should really learn that by saying "Live life to the fullest", it doesn't mean working crazily or make your life real busy and filled, but do what you really want to do and what that will make you really contented, at the same time enjoy doing them! And don't forget to be grateful.

Journey to the East

In Dubai International airport now. Another 10 hours of wait =.=

So far everything has been great, apart from the fact that I didn’t manage to get some sleep during my first flight, instead I watched 3 movies – Salt, 127 Hours and Love in Disguise (Mandarin).

And also my head was hit by a baggage from an old man sitting in front of me. I didn’t know how that happened, as I wasn’t facing him, just got hit, heard sorrys. I didn’t say “it’s ok” this time, because it wasn’t ok at all! I know that isn’t intentional, I know he apologized, but I didn’t smile and show my friendly face at all =/. It really hurts =S. Hopefully it’s not going to show any symptoms that are going to cost my holidays =S.

Very thankful though, for all the guys that had offered a hand to carry my big luggage. As I put my laptop backpack in it (until before I checked the luggage in), so I guess it was at least 25-6kgs. Whenever I see stairs my face turns green, and whenever guys see me by the stairs they offered help! But I can see that their faces turn green when they’re carrying it. Ha ha ha. I’m sure next time they would forget the heroic act xD.

OK let’s talk about the movies. I have heard about Salt being a great movie, I’d say it’s quite good, but just.. hmm, ok, it made me feel like those Jackie Chan’s action movies, which I’m already quite bored watching them, but then Jackie Chan’s are still way better, because they always make you laugh, and I do think the “actions” are more presentable, compared to Salt. But still, it’s good.

127 hours. I heard extreme views about it. Some said it was good, I read from paper saying it’s a must watch. Whereas there are also friends who class it as one of the worst movies they’ve ever watched. I’d say it’s just OK. Although I expected something better, especially having known that its director was the one of Slumdog Millionaire. At some points it was a bit boring. And, I don’t normally enjoy movies with known storyline and/or endings. The 127 Hours, apparently based on true story, and the whole storyline (i.e. he cut his hand off etc) could be read anywhere on news or reviews when it first came out. Still, recommended.

Love in Disguise. what can I say? I know it isn’t good. I watched simply because I want to show sign of support to LeeHom, although, hahaha, I’m not watching in cinema anyway. It’s OK. The funny thing is, it’s trying to be funny, the normal-serious-me wouldn’t laugh at all, yet it managed to get me laugh quite a few times (which could be a bit embarrassing, but I don’t care =p). And also it was landing, so I handed back my earphone, I missed the last part song, which I guess is very important and central to the movie. (well, the whole movie is about music, isn’t it!)

My plan for next journey is sleep. I wouldn't even mind skipping the meals, and get only drinks. But I wonder if I would be able to sleep. Otherwise I'm going to watch Eat Pray Love. Haha, planned! I saw Conviction in the list as well, but I have it in my laptop, so would rather not watch on that little screen where you see your own reflection when you watch =.=

No plan for now! I honestly don't know what time it is in Dubai now. I only know I've got so long to wait. And I don't feel tired and secure to sleep, just like that. Before sitting down I've already walked from middle to west end of the whole airport, then walked to east end (where I'm sitting now). The airport is such a "class" that I couldn't even find a place to get a bottle of water, till I'm wondering whether I should get a Smirnoff or some branded perfume and drink them like water!

There was a frozen yoghurt shop (pinkberry?) that I feel like visiting. And also I could get a meal in Emirates Lounge (for passengers who transit for more than 4 hours), but I'm quite sure I'm not very interested in their food, ALTHOUGH their airlines (i.e. Emirates) served great meals. I had lamb curry just now, just feel like eating rice. Other than that I'd just wonder around, and try to spend some of my USD if I can find them in my bag =X. (they use AED/DHS, I only have GBP, RM and USD with me). And also they have got awful lots of places where you can use for charging your mobiles/notebooks + wireless - which should keep me entertained. (their plug same with UK's)

OK. Off to find water!

P.S. sad! why am I a fast typist? This long wordy post could have taken more time!

11.01.11

2011.01.11, doesn't really mean anything to me, although LiJi tweet that we would have to wait for another thousand years until we get 11.01.11 again, yet I replied her, even it is 12.01.11 or 13.01.11, you would have to wait for another thousand years as well. So why make it so different, when every day could also be a special day? Ha ha. Originally I was saying that just to trick her =p

Received the parcel sent from pama and ahjeh October last year, brighten my day =). Nothing special, just some milos, oats etc. At some point of today, I was thinking about the parcel, till this came to my mind "now that I've got nothing, but MILO!" lol. 6.6kg. Crazy!

Few days ago, noticed from facebook that two high school friends went into a relationship. The girl is one of my besties, where we knew each other since we were 10 years old and by heart I treasure our friendship. I was shocked, One is the fact that they two, the two of them that I know quite well, went into a relationship, Two is that how could I know nothing at all? How can I know her getting into a relationship through facebook?!?!!! Although I didn't really believe it, as the possibility isn't high (in fact, it's super low), yet I chose to believe, and gave my blessings. Turned out what? Yesterday it was revealed that that's just a trick, for fun, to trick Bpeng in particular. What can I say? Nowadays we really shouldn't believe anything, trust anyone huh?!?! Nonsense. I'm going to punish her when I'm back!! Yes, I mean it!! =( You people should just learn the story of the boy who cried wolf!! Next time I ain't going to believe nothing!

I just realized that my blog has turned into such a personal one, that I don't blog about research, news, interesting, impersonal stuff anymore. =O

Greece!!

Ah Ah Ah!! I'm feeling so strange now! bloody strange! when I'm supposed to be very excited but I am not! why?!

Tomorrow night I will be off from Enfield to Greece!

But my holiday mood just ain't here yet =(

where're you?!

Athens in Greece, it's on the top of my list! How can I not feeling excited? =S

This week has been "a week" for me..

Worked on Monday, had a bad shift as I was sent to Sage ward, which wasn't very good experience as they placed me to do the obs in seclusion room, I was so depressed by the end of the shift.

Tuesday I attended the TAMVA (Team Approach in Managing Violence and Aggression, if im not mistaken) training course. Not easy, many to pick up, a lot of physical activities! Get to know some nice friendly people from other wards too. Phil came to find me and told me that my supervisor has been changed! I was bloody happy. =) Not that the old one isn't good, but I really like the new one, who works the same style like me.. =)

Wednesday again attending the course, legs started to be sore.. But I started to enjoy the course and the process, despite so many bruises on my body =S

Thursday.. The assessment day of the training. I was damn bloody brave to be the first to be assessed as a team leader, and guess what? I got full score being a team leader! =D I was a bit too nervous when doing the team member part.. but still, I passed the course! One of my colleague did not make it though... hope she will be fine next time =)

Back to ward again on Friday, with super sore legs, can't even walk on the stairs! Was nearly sent to Sage ward again, but thanks god Phil was in this day, and he was right, no point exchange me with an agent nurse who can't do anything! Took one of my favourite patients out for a walk, in the rain - wasn't romantic though.. xD.

And here I started my 13 days off! =D But it was a bit of rush.. the holiday mood isn't here, and I just don't feel like get things packed! =S Didn't do any pre-trip "homework".. But! I'm quite excited and expecting good weather over there... rather than staying in this bloody London weather =S

Hope it would be a great trip! I haven't been leaving this country for a trip for long!!!!

Part of the Growth

Every time I get some time to talk individually to my ward manager or one of the charged nurses, tears would fill my eyes. At times I've been feeling stressful and confused, but after each talk I'd always be alright. Today again. And I feel they appreciate me so much, that all those hard works and at times some hard feelings are worth, absolutely worth. Phil has been asking me to take some days off, because I've been working so much and so hard. But to be honest, I really like to spend time in ward, despite at times some colleagues are so...

Perhaps what's scary is not the patients with criminal backgrounds, but the complexity of human brain and behaviours. I feel fine working, talking, dealing with the patients, but not some of the colleagues! They are the ones who make me feel stressed. I know there is no perfect and ideal job. And I know no matter where I go, this colleagues-colleagues conflict would appear, and it's something that I ought to learn. I need to stress that I'm not involved directly in any of these conflicts, but perhaps I'm just looking young and innocent, people tend to tell their secrets to me and share the gossip with me.. and I feel soooo 囧 knowing so many things, all contradict to each other lol.

Anywayyyy, I'm fine, still love this job, enjoying the work, and grateful with what I've got and been learning. =)

Tests

I'm going to Enfield, Middlesex tomorrow for ability tests, in NHS!!
I can't believe I'm ganjiong >"<
I used to love exams and tests =S

I'm at the same time excited! coz I'll be going to London (again). On the other hand worry about whether I can get there on time safely, as most should know how bad I'm in directions! xD

Fingers crossed. =))

回家吧 回到最初的美好

I'm now at home!!!

have got a lot to write about my journey from Cheltenham-London-Abu Dhabi-KLIA-Klang.. will write about it after I have enough sleep..

These days just had about 5 hours sleep in total.. =/

and wow!!

there had been so much renovation in the house..

I like the changes! Especially the bathrooms downstairs and the one in my big bro's room..

a lot of things going on..

my to-do list is also kind of long.. and, I want to eat many food! but.. seems like I haven't got the selera.. >"<

glad to be at home.. =D

Pek Cek

Bpeng and me are both in learning centre quiet study room now, not doing any study!

I don't why made me sooo pek cek..

the house internet is down 3-4 days ago, and I think the problem was on the router that it can't solve the ip address bla bla bla... tried restart and even reset and it still doesn't work

Got a friend who taught me how to go "inside" to check what is not working.. but I'm not pro enough to sort that out =/

then the landlord said Monday (i.e. today) her daughter's computer expert was coming to change a new router..

Yet very very very unfortunately, few days ago Bpeng lost her keys (we still don't understand how this happened) so she has kept all the spare keys in her room when her daughter and her friend came,

and they have to get into her daughter's room to get something to sort the internet out..

but bpeng wasn't at home... so we have to wait for another day.. (which I would have left)

I really really need the internet desperately..

to get bus ticket, to transfer money, to check terminal and weather, to contact my family, to find my referee (ex dissertation supervisor, i.e. Kerry Rees), to keep in touch with many people..

If it's any other time in the year it should be fine, as we can always come to the Uni,

but the weather truly, seriously sucks!! and the Uni was closed last week..

it's sooo difficult to go anywhere =(

grrrrrr...

Anyway, thats it for the grumbles.. and guess what,

I forgot to note this in my blog,

that I'm flying back to Malaysia tomorrow!!!!!

I haven't been home for more day 500 days already! The longest period in my life...

I miss home badly.. miss the feelings of staying at home badly..

miss a lots of food badly..

And this time I'm also going back for erge's (i.e. my second brother) wedding.. =DD

I'm quite excited! hahaha.. although I don't really know what to expect..

Next thing would be Chinese New Year celebration that I have missed for 3 years..

until my grandma has forgotten my angpao.. = =

Ohya.. and two days ago was my last day at Primark..

a place that I had been working for more that three years,

it's kind of a mixture of strange feelings.. but I'm glad that I've known a group of nice colleagues there, and the appreciations they've got to me..

It's actually hard .. to leave. =X

Anyway, in less than 24 hours I'm leaving this land already.. hope the weather is good enough during the departures.. I want to be home on time! *pray*

Empty

I'm back in Cheltenham

back from all the trips.. pama and jeh are on their way back already..

feel a bit empty,

this room used to be crowded by all of us and now it seems a bit too big >"<

(imagine 4 persons on a double bed room.. and 1 on floor. hahaha)

but I'm sure I will be back soon in January..

and I have loads of stuff that they brought me. =D

Hope they all will have good rest back home.

Will try to share my time with them these weeks.. (=

Later going to steamboat at 22hungerford..

Tomorrow have to back to work.. =S