Stressful, Emotional, Contented

Handed in the first assignment and did a presentation yesterday. Spent over 12 hours in the uni. Got to know my supervisor today. Working (as in as a health care assistant not a master student) tomorrow all the way till Wednesday morning next week.

This life ain't easy. Another 3 pieces of assignment due in 2 weeks. I hope there is another huibee to help out a little bit.

Ryuji (my presentation group mate, japanese) said, he could feel everyone's stressful too, because everyone gets angry really easily, everyone is like really impatient now. True. I told him I get angry really easily now. With my flatmate Akansha (Indian) closing the door loudly a few times at night and in the morning every day, I spoke to her for the 3rd time about the same thing just now. I actually said "Fuck You" when it happened again. Lol. No, I won't fuck you. Sorry.

Most of the time I'm actually quite happy, despite the stress. I feel contented when I have a lot done, especially nowadays I like to stay in the library and work till evening, with my macbook. Most of the time will be quite lucky to bump into some other stressful big-headed friends who are also rushing for something. But undeniably my emotion fluctuates so much, just slightly better than bipolar mood disorder I believe, slightly.

I made some friends. Met some ASEAN (mainly Malaysian and Singaporean) friends, a Chinese from SiChuan whom I quite like to befriend in my class, a Jap guy that I mentioned already, a Germany girl who is also in my presentation group, and another two Malaysians who took some modules with me. Of course, I also made quite some Hi-and-Bye friends.

Last week I was so fed up with my work manager Phil that I thought about leaving work. Someone who offered to help me turned me down and I nearly had to sleep on the street last week. They said when god closes one door, he will open a window for you. So within 5 minutes the window showed up, then I realized how lucky and blessed I am. Not fed up anymore. But I really want to know whether I should keep the job, and I wonder who can give me the answer.

I bought a Christmas present for the work "secret santa" game. I wrapped it up nicely and cut the letters of her name down from a magazine (poor magazine!) and sticked them on the wrapping paper. I wonder who my secret santa is?!

Damn it when I'm typing this, a Black man opened my door!!!!! I think he's the Jamaican flatmate, Kady's friend. Walao =.=. I'm still in shock. He said sorry and closed the door back. I didn't even smile. It's not okay. I won't smile! (See how easy I get angry!!) Okay, nevermind. By the way my flatmates are all nice, despite what I said about them.

Oh how can I forget that there will be a Malaysian Chinese moving into the flat upstairs next week. I know her from facebook - ha ha, random, I know! But it was because we were all looking for people who're from same kampung before we came to Sussex. (How come chrome didn't pick up "kampung" as a spelling mistake?!?!?!) So next time there will be someone who can have dinner with me or travel back from uni with me (she likes to stay in library to study too).

All these look so random and schizophrenic. Just some screen shots of my life recently. Christmas holidays in two weeks. I really want to ski!! But nobody is interested to go with me so far :(

I think I should talk to mama/family more. It always makes me feel better (no matter what random things we say). And I really want to meet my niece... by the time I meet her, she's probably no longer a baby!!

A Newly PG Student

I moved to Brighton and had my induction last week. It'd be my first class tomorrow, as a MSc. Clinical Psychology and Mental Health student in University of Sussex.

It seems that I didn't give myself enough preparation (psychologically), I caught a cold on Tuesday while I was doing nights, sore throat, cough, fever, headache. Until this second I'm still not sure if my decision of keeping my job is right (but it's certainly not wrong). I suppose that's just something in me, that I always want to make myself proud, (and also people around me), so I take up the challenge.

The weather was amazing when I moved in, I was admiring the beach and walking around quite a lot during the first week (I can see the Brighton beach just through my room window!). But returning from London today, I could barely move downhill as the wind is so strong, yes it still is! I think I forgot, that whether it's Cheltenham, London or Brighton, I'm still in England! Typical English weather!!

Anyway, after a few hours of studies it's time for entertainments! Then I'll get some sleep and go to library before class tomorrow.

A Day in the Life of a Mental Hospital Patient

Just read this:

A day in the Life of a Mental Hospital Patient

Going to a mental hospital is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by and I encourage everyone to take that step if they find it necessary. Life can be overwhelming and sometimes we just need to heal.

I find that quote good - stigma-free. Maybe becoming a patient for a period of time will make me a better carer too? Anyway, that isn't the main purpose of my post..

I can't help comparing how a day of this particular person (no longer patient)'s day compared to those that are on my ward. Some parts of it are quite similar, but I just really want to point out the main difference, which is the rehabilitation activities. Similarly, we have all those structures (certain time for meals, medications, basic activities like garden breaks), but how about the rehabilitation part? Someone on my ward can sleep through the whole shift (7.5 hours) and not doing anything. Others can just get up only for meals and leaves and do nothing else for whole day. What's good for keeping them in there and not doing anything meaningful and productive? And worse, not even helping with their mental states and general health (well most of them are obese). There isn't structured rehabilitation activities, if there is, there are way too loose (e.g. one to one session that only takes place every one to two weeks, psychology sessions that happens only once a week etc). What can they do other than those?

Sleep + Eat.

And can you believe for these people to Sleep + Eat peacefully every single day, how much are we taxpayers paying for that?!!!! It's okay if it helps, but does it?

One used to tell a member of staff, when the latter told him he's good at cooking, he can be a cook when he leaves the hospital, the patient said "no I'm not going to work. I'll receive benefits for the rest of my life." So oh yeah, more money for his benefits, travel pass, accommodations etc. This is what the service leads them to. Ouch! that's my moneee :(

Big Fat Bully

Bully is home. It makes me depressed. I am supposed to be very jovial as I'm off for the next few days after three long days. But hearing his voice makes me sick.

I'm going to act like nothing happens, and like he's invisible. Can't wait to move out.

Wow

A kind of funny thought came out to my mind today when I was having the monthly staff meeting on the ward... Phil (the ward manager) wanted us to say something positive about the ward if the dice turns out 3-6 and negative if 1-2. He passed it to me, I rolled it and it showed 4, I then thought for 2-3 seconds then said something that I really like about this ward.

Then the dice was passed on. I was then thinking, I was doing all these so naturally, I was the first one to start with, I was speaking English in front of all these people whose mother tongue is English, but my heart didn't even beat a little faster.

You might not realize what I want to say yet, because even myself have not realized what I have become until today. I went to Chinese kindergarden, Chinese primary school, Chinese secondary (high) school. I'd never liked English class (apart from Junior 2, Ms Mariam who was an excellant teacher). I was consistently one of the highest scorers in most if not all subjects, and it was always English the exemption. I disliked it, I wasn't interested to learn it, I found it so difficult.

But today, it all happened so naturally. Wow. I'm impressed.

P.S. I've been put down to go to Thorpe Park (for work)!! Really excited!

People are sick.

Riots started from Tottenham and London and now all across the UK. I can still hear ambulance and police siren out there while I'm writing this. I wonder what's wrong with these people, with this mindless and disgraceful acts, what have they achieved?

Now people lost their home, some with little babies. Some people lost everything in their shops. Today when I was on the way back home from work, I saw a shop which glasses was broken, put a note out saying "This shop is close, there is nothing inside". The looters have got what they wanted, by breaking the glasses and went in to pick what they want. It even came out on the news that some chaps even went into JD sports to try on trainers during the riots! Pure madness.

Initially I didn't think it was this bad. Because apparently a mum from Tottenham said on the evening the building was set on fire, there were youth running on the corridors shouting "Fire" and even helped her to run with her kids. Alright so I assumed they weren't going to hurt people, at least they don't want anyone killed. But now, after three nights in a row and now the fourth, I think they are nowhere thoughtful even if they've done that. They're young teenagers, who don't even know what they're doing, what have happened and are going to happen, they're doing it because others are doing it - all credits to our social medias, to spread the news to call for gathering.

Now some are blaming the migrants, the whites blaming the blacks, the blacks blaming the government. But it turns out really obvious (from the CCTV) that it wasnt just a particular group of people. There are black, white, brown, oriental, purple and green (well they're all covered, who knows some are purple/green?!! Cowards, if you're so brave to have done this, why not show your face?!). Also, a video on youtube shows a Malaysian student was actually robbed by those rioters after injured during the riots.

Anyway, I'm just grumbling. I still managed to go to work today. Enfield town seems to be under controlled now. It's 'good' that it was attacked on the 2nd night, so police were ready to defend it (after 1st night), and there's now police officers everywhere (so hopefully nothing major is going to happen again). Oh by the way, all these were claimed to start because of Mark Duggan was [fatally] shot by the police. I don't know what's true or not, apparently people, including the officers can say whatever they want, but it's quite sure that he is not an innocent man. But then I also believe he was just used as an excuse.

One of the colleagues was saying they should really bring the army in, which I do not agree with. I think if the whole thing isn't dealt very sensitively, things are going to get real bad. Though I agree, their government is rather soft (I've not even seen tear gas yet so far! they only brought some big dogs when it happened in Enfield), and you know what, they talk TOO much about human right. Put it this way, to be considerate to those rioters and rooters and arson-ers and whatevers, and consider so much about their human rights, then who is going to stand up for the human right of we the innocences and victims?

But then after watching the news, I'm thinking what's wrong with the young generation? is it them to be blamed? or the society, the parents, the adults?! What makes this people being brought up in this society yet turn around and become rioters and creating mayhem? The news said some (of the rioters) are uni graduates, college students, graphic designers, army-to-be etc. If they're happy and healthy mentally, why would they have done this?

"I want sex!"

No no, it wasn't me who said that, lol. I was doing response today, and went down quite a few times to an acute ward, doing reviews on this man in the seclusion room. He's a massive mad man, and has hit two of our TAMVA instructors (who are supposed to be very professional and the top people in restraining patients). I'd never met this man till today. But I have heard a lot of stories from others who have done response in the past two weeks. One of the significant event that I remember was that he pooed in the seclusion room, and made it really dirty, then that day when they tried to do a review, he stood up, slipped on his own poo and fell on his own poo! (hahahahah, how dramatic is that?!) Apart from that he's always naked (not today, just half naked) and very very inappropriate to female staff.

Today when I went, I was thinking I would be really useless, as a little young female nurse. It turned out he's obsessed with females again, then was telling the other staff that he wanted to talk to me (the other female staff around are at more mature age..), so I became a lure, to keep his attention, while they put his food and drinks via the toilet sides and unlocked the room before he realized. I found that quite funny, because I basically just had to talk (through the interphone/viewing panel), then I've done my part. xD Though one of the times he kept asking me to come closer, then when I told him to put the mattress back to where it should be, he started repeatedly saying "I want sex!" The nurse in charge said directly, okay! it's over!

His behaviour is entirely unexplainable (apart from the word 'madness'). His speech is incoherent, and is so obsessed with females. At the same time he is also strong and can be so violent. He can be naked in front of so many staff not feeling a thing; He stuffed his food below the door; He doesn't use toilet but anywhere of the room...

He will be sent to a high security hospital next week. I'm just wondering how people like him get well.. I'd like to learn that and be part of someone like that's progress, but then it seems the control and restraint that we learnt is nothing when we face someone like him.. I know some of the guys on my ward used to be very mad before too. I hope some time in the future I'd get to explore the more severe area. :)

Grateful :D

一个累字形容今天

可是心里却满满是感恩 :D

我想有时候我把人性想得不够好

这世界有太多值得让我学习的人...

P.S. I'll elaborate what happened when everything is confirmed and when I've got some spare energy.

Halo August

It's nearly the end of July, and I have not had any update for nearly two months, surprisingly when I checked my viewers there are still about 4 visitors on average every day, I guess it's still the old debatable posts that are receiving attentions (rather than any friends/family).

Life has not been too busy, I simply lost the passion to blog :S.

Something really important to note is that I have turned into an auntie on July the 13th, welcoming my niece to the world. :) She's also a rabbit (Chinese zodiac), was born also at 2+ o'clock in the early morning, just like me, ha ha.

I'm still a grateful person (pure random), though I went through a kind of depressive period when I first came back to London again in June. But things are all good now, sometimes we forget who we are. Sometimes we forget what we really want and need. Sometimes we just focus too much on certain things and overlook other important things.

In 1.5 months, I'm going to be here for 5 whole years. :O

I no longer know how to write a proper blog post...

Compliments to TGV, Bukit Tinggi

Went to watch a movie Kung Fu Panda 2 in TGV, Bukit Tinggi today with a friend. Although the movie is good and I'll recommend it to most people, I'm not writing about it today...

We bought the tickets from the counter at around noon, and there were tickets ready by the machine after we stated what we wanted to watch, which was quite strange, but the cashier double checked and made sure the tickets matched what we wanted exactly (apart from the seats, which were even better). When time approached we went in for the movie, there was a man standing just by the row N (our seats were N9 and N10), and asked to see my tickets, I showed him and he led us out, explained to us that there was system errors- those two seats had been booked online by somebody else, and were taken. I was sort of disappointed and thinking what he could offer us. He then said that he could refund us, then also showed two cards (which was called something like compensation card(?)). My friend asked if there was any seat left in the same screen and he said no but he could offer us couple seat (which was slightly more expensive?) for the next time slot (screending an hour and 50 minutes later). We were cool with the later time since my friend had to wait for her sister anyway. Then he said he could refund us. By then we realized, we were going to get the refund, and still watching a later show (which we're happy with) with better seats [free of charge].

Wow, I didn't know such good service exists in Malaysia nowadays (lol). And this man is polite and very apologetic (well, sure ma, it's their fault!). I'd probably be quite happy if I get a refund and some very good attitudes, but now I get refund, good attitudes, and free good movie, so I'm very happy, and decided to write a compliment on my blog (oh am I too easily pleased?). Hahaha. Well done!

The other thing is he gave us back the torn tickets and just changed the details by hand, so I was like "how if they said we changed it ourselves" and wanted his name, he said they couldn't print a new one, then put his signature on the tickets and said the staff would recognize it was his. I should have got his name [just in case], but now I think if I had then he would get the compliment together. (Eventually we got in without any problem)

P.S. I also feel very paiseh when he explained [a lot] in Malay and I only heard the word "sistem", and asked to repeat in English after he finished. lol

405ml

I went to blood donation again today after the first time on March last year. It seems that because this is a peak holiday season they need blood more desperately than they normally do and I keep receiving invitations, had been trying to book appointments but it always clashes with my working hours, till today.

This time I passed the iron level straight without too much 'effort'. Though when it came to giving blood, for some unknown reasons the blood just didn't flow, it kept running below the level, ended up having 4 different nurses kept coming around to look at me with 1 staying with me all the time. She explained to me the whole process normally takes 8-10 minutes and shouldn't exceed 15 minutes, and my blood flow could be as slow as the speed of 12ml/min (12x15 = 180ml, but we should be giving 475ml pack). Throughout the process I had been trying all the methods I know to relax myself and my arm, and also repeating opening and closing my palm (she said people don't normally need to do it for whole process =.=). At the end I managed to give 405ml before the time limit, which had some nurses cheering for me (because I was the last few ones, and because I was too slow then I became the last one, so generally they were all quite free at that time).

Luckily this time I suffered no bruise or dizziness :D. Unlike the first experience which was a bit traumatizing (read my post New Blood!). I just had a shower and it seemed that it bled a bit :S I probably tried too hard not to wet it. Anyway, another experience. :D

Who are you? Go away!

Had been working for 11 days in a row which covered at least 15 shifts. What a dramatic day today, but let me talk about yesterday first. Went down to cover another ward's closed obs for 1.5hour, and I never had any good experience in that ward till yesterday - first time! The patient came out from his room after I sat there for 10minutes or so. Then I was talking to another staff saying I had never seen their rabbits (their ward has pet rabbits!!). So with the staff's agree I took the patient out to the garden and visited their rabbits. Very-the-cute. I heard one is pregnant so I asked which, the patient said "white one, the white one is the chick". That made me laugh (just found that funny). After that I played table tennis with him - never touched that for years! I wasn't playing too bad, though I kept telling him slow a bit because I'm and never be good on it. Overall the 1.5hours obs were good. :D

TODAY! well, after a long and tiring long day yesterday, I was allowed to come to work at 7+,8am today. First thing came in, I took a patient out on ground. Uptill Harefield Close, he started to turned left, I thought he just forgot as he is never well. So I called his name, at least 15-20 times! and get no response :S. Called on radio to the ward for few times, no response either. D: At the end called on C3 reception base, which [finally] someone respond to my call. Briefly said who and what happened on the radio. Then I started hearing unit coordinator started calling all response team to camlet 3. I know I was going to get the support. At the same time being worried because he was walking fast and far, I didn't want to get lost myself, especially I didn't know when radio was going to be out of range. I kept go on radio saying which road we were and towards what direction (morning with sunshine, this is the only time I'm good at direction! thank god!). Up till a place I called him again, he turned back and said "Who are you? go away!" (He sometimes would greet me with a big smile - and they are the same man!) So I could only follow him with a distance. Then we actually walked all the way to town (using a very long route). I borrowed mobile phone from one of two men I saw, which he happily lent me his iphone. When I was reporting, the patient was already very far from me (he's at least 6'3, and he doesn't walk slow!). Charged nurse from the ward asked me to go back, just go back. I replied with "I don't even know how to go back!" no phone, no wallet, not even a coin, no oyster card, no card (if got home key I can go home to get some money lol). So decided to try my luck on meeting a nice bus driver who would just take me to the hospital anyway (I believe everyone would). But upon reaching the bus stop, the response team came in a van! OMG, the whole feeling was just too complicated that I forgot to feel happy that they're finally here, yes I mean I forgot. The other charged nurse from my ward was in the van (sometimes call her mama xx as they all like to treat me like a baby). Then I told them the direction where I last seen him, and we managed to get him. But again he asked who they were (I didn't go down the car, just in case it was my problem) and shoo them away. We called the police. The police took quite sometime to come which isn't really usual (probably because today is a bank holiday - Good Friday). He told the police he wasn't a patient but a law student =.=. But police officers managed to get him into our van. Throughout the journey he kept on talking which.. his speech couldn't be understood. Though he also kept saying 'please stop whispering about me thank you'. (Sometimes we weren't even talking... =.=) Reached the ward, nothing much to note after that.

I think I had done well, and am grateful I had done running in the past (and still doing sometimes when the mood comes xD). Most staff think the same though some think I didn't really have to follow him for that far. Following him up is not necessary, as all we need to do is report what happened then we have done our part. But I felt I could manage, so I didn't choose to give up. :D But then now I think it's actually quite bad if he walked to somewhere I don't even know, and I'm there with no money, phone, identity etc. (I probably wouldn't have gone after him then). Then again everyone saw me would ask how I am / how I feel (they might not be able to believe their baby can take all these xD). They even planned to cancel another patient community leave as I was put down to take someone else to Hyde park and Camden town today - they think I'd done and walked enough. But at the end I still chose to go. And so now I'm knackered.

Overall, good experience, learnt something. I still like my job :D.

(When I typed that last sentence, all in a sudden remember that another patient called me fucking bitch when we couldn't facilitate smoke break. ehmm.. another long story, but then other patients actually tried to comfort me, so I was okay)

Adele's Someone Like You

Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

P.S. She's good!

Second time this year

Bought my tickets to go back for my eldest bro's wedding this summer.

and yes, I'm flying home again.

Supposingly I wanted to get Singapore airlines as I'd then get to try the A380 double deck airbus (which, according to Bpeng, is super comfortable! :D)

but I spent too much time considering (actually just one night) and the price raise by £30+, and made the difference between sg airlines and Etihad airlines over £100

So I shall wait for my next opportunity........

P.S. April is coming, quarter of 2011 is going soon. This is getting unbelievable..

P.S. 2 People should really learn that by saying "Live life to the fullest", it doesn't mean working crazily or make your life real busy and filled, but do what you really want to do and what that will make you really contented, at the same time enjoy doing them! And don't forget to be grateful.

Japan, the world shares your grief

I don't want to see the pictures and the videos, but when I was in the ward, I can't help stopping by the TV watching the news seeing how it's like now. I want to know how they are now, but at the same time I can't bear the pain T__T

It just reminded me years ago the Si Chuan earthquake, that was a final exam period in May, every morning I woke up, read those news with my breakfast, hoping things were getting better, at the same time being very thankful I could be sitting there and studying for my exam (there were kids who were in class and buried under the school buildings when it happened)

Japan, stay strong.

and people, we should all learn to be more grateful...

P.S. sometimes it's terrifying to think what the nature can do to us little humans..

I despise you

I wasn't feeling very well (physically + psychologically) when I went to work today. Physically unwell was due to the weather - the temperature just dropped so much suddenly T__T

I am not very sure why I wasn't in very good mood, until before I got home, I spoke to one of the patients in games area, and that really helped. I think I helped him, and in return that has helped me indirectly.

What we discussed made me realized I am really not happy with those qualified nurses who want to work awful loads of bank shifts and long days, but come to work and sit in front of computer, surf the net and do online shopping, otherwise gossiping about others. These people think only about their pay, never have one to one with their patients, never spend time outside the office, never understand their patients. They never think how to help the patients. They never know whether their patient is happy, is feeling safe, is ok, is progressing in the ward. They care nothing but money.

I don't know how they become a nurse, a nurse without a heart of helping patients getting better. I told the patient I wanted to speak to the ward manager regarding that, and he said no. He said he was telling me because he treats me as a friend, and those are friends talk, he said it's ok, he can get himself out of there and he is progressing, he can talk to the consultant every week (or sometime fortnightly). I feel sad for this whole system, for them. Those people are so well paid to help them, yet they get no help, nobody talks to them. There was once he requested to have a one to one with his named nurse, the named nurse asked him to wait till weekend, but nothing happened during the weekend. The fact is, those named nurses are supposed to ask to have one to one with the patients! Then I told the patient, I know and have seen all these happen in front of me, yet I could do nothing. That's why I was so upset. Actually it might not be true.. I think I could do something.. =)

Equal Opportunity and Diversity

Attended a mandatory training course today which covered Equal Opportunity and Diversity, Health and Safety, Fire, Safeguarding Vulnerable Adults and Children, Infection Control, and Confidentiality and Information Governance. The first session was the one with the most discussions and debates, that the presenter didn't even manage to complete 50% of her slides within the given time.

As a woman, I think quite often we receive positive discrimination (PD). PD, according to the presenter, is unlawful. Give a very obvious example. The ward that I'm working on is a male ward, although there are slightly more female than male staff in the ward, there are quite a number of jobs that could only (or preferably) completed by male staff. E.g. searching service users coming back from unescorted (ground/community) leave, there are about 4-8 times a day in my ward now (more coming); doing their UDS (Urine Drug Screen) etc. And yet, I couldn't really think of a job (in my ward) that can only be done by female. So see? It could be unfair... (just could be, because we are very nice females, so we would even that up with doing some other jobs for the male staff).

The presenter gave an example of "positive action" (which is lawful) - a university lower the entry requirement for the ethnic minority (I think she used "Blacks" during the presentation, which I think isn't appropriate), so the Whites have got to have 3As to enter while the Blacks could enter with 3Bs. She added further, it ended up with more Blacks dropping out, simple because they couldn't follow the course, as they were not as competent.

What do you think?

In that room, there were more ethnic minority (opps! so no longer "minority"?), there were more Blacks than Whites as well. I don't know what the others think. But to me, to give this example at the first place, IS already a discrimination itself! Think about it again. One, the whole example based on that "fact" (what they believe genuinely, but I don't think it's true at all) that Blacks are less intelligent than Whites (so that most of them can only enter with 3Bs, so that they would drop out even after they were admitted). Isn't this a discrimination? Nobody pointed that out, and of course I wouldn't. Because I'm neither a White nor a Black, and I wouldn't want to cause more debates or war. Two, I see no point of giving this example!

I don't know what made the Whites always think they are more capable, more competent than the Blacks. From the people that I've known, I can confirm that Whites are no more intelligent than Blacks. Of course I have a Psychology degree, I should know how that conclusion came out, that some researchers did some research that they thought it was very well considered and fair - then concluded that Whites are simply better. I can tell you two things. One, it COULD be true in the past, but it's definitely no longer true. Given that they always think they're better, so they are far less hardworking (ok, I mean they're lazy), over decades they ended up with people who think they are good but only in talking Big. Two, the 'fact' just can't be true. Because research can never be fair, in a field (i.e. investigating intelligence) like this. Language is one thing, culture is another (and many more). Of course a Black could be born and brought up learning and speaking only English, in the Britain (as an English speaking and English culture example here), but how about his parents and external families? How about friends that he makes? Can the intelligence tests consider all these factors? It just can't be fair.

I don't know why I get myself into that Black & White Intelligence debates. It seems that I'm in favour of Blacks. But the fact is, no, I'm not, I'm just not in favour of Whites (see my post Discrimination), especially when it comes to the feelings that they think they are better in any and every way than the others.

Of course, there are very intelligent Whites, very intelligent Blacks, very intelligent Mixed, Brown, Yellow, Colourful, whatever. I'm not writing to offend anyone, especially my White friends. I'd happily accept if they're in "fact" more intelligent, yet this thing can't be proven (and we dont have to! What is the point of doing that?). And more importantly, I wish the Whites are aware, that their thought of they're better naturally, are going to make them less competitive and more lazy, are making them worse which in some days later, would reflect through genes.

P.S. I wouldn't disagree that myself is also discriminating. Afterall, that's just a mean of "categorizing" like I mentioned in my other post. There are always debates. But I'd suggest the presenter who do topics like this should have more concerns.

Just a little add-on

I mentioned languages, so often one of my White colleagues enjoys correcting others' grammar mistakes, I remember there was once my Black colleague replied, "please! English is not my first language". Exactly! Can you speak Mandarin, Malay, Hokkien, Cantonese like me? If you could, I'm going to speak English just as good as you do! Although, I'm quite happily corrected, because that's a mean of learning, but sometimes this man could be annoying to others who don't pay as much attention to grammars.

Journey to the East

In Dubai International airport now. Another 10 hours of wait =.=

So far everything has been great, apart from the fact that I didn’t manage to get some sleep during my first flight, instead I watched 3 movies – Salt, 127 Hours and Love in Disguise (Mandarin).

And also my head was hit by a baggage from an old man sitting in front of me. I didn’t know how that happened, as I wasn’t facing him, just got hit, heard sorrys. I didn’t say “it’s ok” this time, because it wasn’t ok at all! I know that isn’t intentional, I know he apologized, but I didn’t smile and show my friendly face at all =/. It really hurts =S. Hopefully it’s not going to show any symptoms that are going to cost my holidays =S.

Very thankful though, for all the guys that had offered a hand to carry my big luggage. As I put my laptop backpack in it (until before I checked the luggage in), so I guess it was at least 25-6kgs. Whenever I see stairs my face turns green, and whenever guys see me by the stairs they offered help! But I can see that their faces turn green when they’re carrying it. Ha ha ha. I’m sure next time they would forget the heroic act xD.

OK let’s talk about the movies. I have heard about Salt being a great movie, I’d say it’s quite good, but just.. hmm, ok, it made me feel like those Jackie Chan’s action movies, which I’m already quite bored watching them, but then Jackie Chan’s are still way better, because they always make you laugh, and I do think the “actions” are more presentable, compared to Salt. But still, it’s good.

127 hours. I heard extreme views about it. Some said it was good, I read from paper saying it’s a must watch. Whereas there are also friends who class it as one of the worst movies they’ve ever watched. I’d say it’s just OK. Although I expected something better, especially having known that its director was the one of Slumdog Millionaire. At some points it was a bit boring. And, I don’t normally enjoy movies with known storyline and/or endings. The 127 Hours, apparently based on true story, and the whole storyline (i.e. he cut his hand off etc) could be read anywhere on news or reviews when it first came out. Still, recommended.

Love in Disguise. what can I say? I know it isn’t good. I watched simply because I want to show sign of support to LeeHom, although, hahaha, I’m not watching in cinema anyway. It’s OK. The funny thing is, it’s trying to be funny, the normal-serious-me wouldn’t laugh at all, yet it managed to get me laugh quite a few times (which could be a bit embarrassing, but I don’t care =p). And also it was landing, so I handed back my earphone, I missed the last part song, which I guess is very important and central to the movie. (well, the whole movie is about music, isn’t it!)

My plan for next journey is sleep. I wouldn't even mind skipping the meals, and get only drinks. But I wonder if I would be able to sleep. Otherwise I'm going to watch Eat Pray Love. Haha, planned! I saw Conviction in the list as well, but I have it in my laptop, so would rather not watch on that little screen where you see your own reflection when you watch =.=

No plan for now! I honestly don't know what time it is in Dubai now. I only know I've got so long to wait. And I don't feel tired and secure to sleep, just like that. Before sitting down I've already walked from middle to west end of the whole airport, then walked to east end (where I'm sitting now). The airport is such a "class" that I couldn't even find a place to get a bottle of water, till I'm wondering whether I should get a Smirnoff or some branded perfume and drink them like water!

There was a frozen yoghurt shop (pinkberry?) that I feel like visiting. And also I could get a meal in Emirates Lounge (for passengers who transit for more than 4 hours), but I'm quite sure I'm not very interested in their food, ALTHOUGH their airlines (i.e. Emirates) served great meals. I had lamb curry just now, just feel like eating rice. Other than that I'd just wonder around, and try to spend some of my USD if I can find them in my bag =X. (they use AED/DHS, I only have GBP, RM and USD with me). And also they have got awful lots of places where you can use for charging your mobiles/notebooks + wireless - which should keep me entertained. (their plug same with UK's)

OK. Off to find water!

P.S. sad! why am I a fast typist? This long wordy post could have taken more time!

That's why I always say communication is important

Read this:

Study: A Complete Stranger Understands You About as Well as Your Spouse Does

I don't believe this is true, despite the fact that the study found no significant difference comparing the two. But still, I find that astonishing, since it could be true to a certain degree, for most people.

...

The more I think about real life situations and examples, the more I'm convinced that these researchers are right.

So, speak out. =)

Discrimination?

I didn't realize myself take that by heart, that I woke up early in the morning, recalling what they said, just like that. I thought I've been in this country long enough to be immune from discrimination - remember there was once when I was chatting with the ward doctor (a british who was born and brought up in the uk, and of India origin), I told him I don't care about (racial/colour) discrimination anymore, I'd just take it, because we're all human and it's normal to discriminate (in other word, it's just "categorizing"), I even gave him an example that through the 3+ years part time job that I've got during Uni, White people from this country are certainly far more lazy than others (and are only good in "talking" instead of "doing"), and I said "see? I discriminate them as well".

Yesterday came in a shift realized my favourite colleague was sent out to do two community leaves during one shift, and somehow I felt they bullied her, of course I didn't put it that way, but when she came in, I just said XXX you're a star!!. Then the other two started to tease me, saying "look at you". I know they were joking, but still I told them I came in 4 shifts in a row, and going out every single shift, which they didn't really listen to. The two person who teased me, one was a nursing assistant who never really does community leave, and whenever she is put down to do it, she would pick the person that she wants to take (and there are only 2 of them), or else she would do whatever to get herself out of it. While another is a qualified who probably has done only 1-2 community leave since the ward started 6 months ago. Opps, I forgot - both are Whites.

The whole incident was behind my mind all day long. I really didn't realize I actually mind it. It seems like my brain didn't manage to resolve the conflict feelings through dreams (a theory by Griffin & Tyrrell), so I was waken up and ... decided to blog about it ha ha.

And yes, I feel better. =)