Netherlands Trip

01.04.2012 - 04.04.2012

Can't be bothered to write, pictures say it all!

World of Heineken. Recommended. There are a lot to "play" inside. plus you get 2-3 drinks!! XD

This is example of "what to play". We took this picture and had it sent to our mailbox. (Though it went into my Spam folder..)

Chips from this shop is VERY nice. A lot different types of sauce too. The source of me having sore throat then fell sick during the trip! Recommended still!

Keukenhof. It's a must go. Lots of tulips. It's a bit too early for the season, so most of those in the garden are not fully blossomed. But those indoor ones are very beautiful too!

This is from outdoor (obviously). Very beautiful!

Windmill in Keukenhof. Get to go up and take a round. Very "cute". hahaha.

We went for Thomascook Canal Cruise. Be warned that you aren't allowed to bring food up as we bought chips thinking we can have it on the cruise ended up have to finish them by the river. =.= The journey was quite long, not very informative. We went simply because it's included in the "package". Wouldn't recommend if you have to pay for it.

This is the Old Church. Picture is taken during the Canal Cruise. Very nice picture isn't it? Credits to the photographer - myself! xD

Red light district. Quite an interesting experience.

You-know-what-it-is! Otherwise the answer is also in the picture.

Wooden shoes. Cute. Haha. But not nice to wear.

Windmills at Zaanse Schans. Unexplainable excitement to see the windmills. Maybe being brought up knowing windmill is something "from Hollands" and is famous there thus it becomes a must to see their windmills!

Cheeses! They look funny. Some taste nice but some don't! This is also in Zaanse Schans. (Don't ask me how to pronounce it..)

Her name is Miffy. If I'm not mistaken there's a story or comic based on her written by a Dutch half a century ago. She's very very cute!

Many many Miffy(s). Some are her family maybe. Haha. This is also in Zaanse Schans.

Not 100% sure about the link between Netherlands and Indonesia but apparently Indonesian food there is quite good. This one is Restaurant Bojo. The picture might not look so, but it's very very yummy (and big portion!) (And not so pricey)

During the last day of my trip I was pretty much sick despite pm and fel lending me their jacket I was still feeling really cold. Be warned that early April can still be quite cold!

Overall it's a great trip. Amsterdam is a must go! Although I still don't know why people like to say "sell you to Hollands ah" or "got cheated to Hollands"? xD

Tulips!

Got to admit I didn't make very good decision this time, wasn't being considerate enough to realize I might not be able to cope with a long day before flying early in the morning.

I mean, I'm on a 12 hours shift long day tomorrow, 2.5 hours away from where I live, and I have to come back and get ready for an early flight the next day..

I always believe in making the impossibles possible, but the long day tomorrow is ruining my holiday mood, and I have yet to mention, I'm FINALLY going to Amsterdam! It's been more like a dream saying to go and not being able to "achieve" it.

Hope all go well and tulips are all blossoming waiting for us!

I still have some essays that I don't know what to do with it. It's just not something that I have done before and despite swallowing 3-4 chapters of the book I still don't get how to start and what to do with it :(

I used to think all this will come to an end once I completed Spring term. But it doesn't seem like it. Haih. When all these are over I hope I can then enjoy doing my research. The British data collection has completed, Malaysian participants and Msian in UK is on their way. I do really struggle to get enough people for MSinUK. On one hand I wouldn't put too much pressure on people, but on the other the pressure is on myself if I couldn't get enough people. I do appreciate those who really tried hard to help, especially some who aren't even very close friends...

Hoping to go to Turkey and Egypt at least, during Summer. At best if pama can come, at best they can all come...

Where I live and love. It always reminds me to be grateful, to slow down and feel the now and then.

五月天 Just Rock It 伦敦演唱会

Wembley Arena, London - 27.03.2012 1930-2230

话说从小到大没去看过什么演唱会 前几个月在纽西兰的婉倩在 fb 上分享说五月天会过来

不知道为什么有种想去的感觉 问了问周围的朋友 都兴致缺缺 我就不了了之了

谁知道 26 号那天五月天来了 阿信分享了一张照片 一个朋友 Belle share 给我

我就告诉她说我没去 找不到 kaki

结果呢 竟然很巧地被中学学长团的嘉伦看见了 然后说他也要去!! 还知道哪里可以买票

(而且很值得 因为是从买了票却不能去的人那里买的 便宜了二十几磅 更巧的是卖票的香港人 是我一个新加坡朋友的朋友@.@)

就这样弄着弄着 去了!!!

首先话说我虽然听很多人的歌 记歌词能力也不错 但是对五月天比较 popular 以外的歌都不知道

所以就听了一个晚上的 mayday (又因为本人不能一边听歌一边读书 所以就把整个晚上牺牲掉了) 还紧张得没睡好 =__=

其次这次一起去的 是我中学毕业到现在六年多没见的朋友 这感觉未免也太奇怪了

(还好他人没变 感觉还熟悉)

阿信

开场之后发现之前的顾虑都是笨地 因为有荧幕有歌词 根本不用做功课(既记歌词也)也可以

而且其实大部分歌我都会唱 *得意*

开始他们连唱几首都不说话 后来其实他们说的比我想象中还多...

包括用各种语言介绍了一下 (其实不就是石头用英语 其他的就用中文或闽南语 =.=)

还分享了在伦敦一日游做了什么 和 如果还有下辈子还要再干嘛

(其中阿信和怪兽说了要再学吉他 石头还要再来伦敦 (玛莎说什么我不记得乐 =_=) 冠佑要当导游去北极看北极光 这时候阿信说了冷笑话 说如果看不到北极光 看北极熊脱光光可不可以 换作平时我会觉得这笑话很 lame 但是当时候就笑了出来 =__=; 后来发现其实冠佑答非所问)

然后当然他们唱了很多歌 *废话* 从初中听过地到今年的新歌..

满满地感动

他们各自也呈现了一段乐器表演 超厉害!! 希望有人录下来分享..

而且encho后还唱了四首 人也太好了吧!!

荧幕中的是不甩头鼓手冠佑

还有荧幕上分享了很多他们的照片

还有很多他们的第一天(包括出生日期)

他们组团在 29.03.97 就是明天 成为明星却是 07.07.99

这是我大概记得的 还有第一次在伦敦的演唱会就是我们见证的那场

阿话说那也是我和嘉伦的第一场 =.= (只能希望下次见面不是又过了六年!)

今天整个人还是没办法走出来 还在图书馆里哼他们的歌

那感觉像昨天作了场梦 很美的梦 ...

*人生短暂 去疯 去爱 去浪费*

Virtual World

It's the last day of term. No, not yet. I have yet to graduate. It's the last day of Spring term, I still have Summer term! Had quite an "interesting" lecture day in Mill View Hospital today, which is really not what most of us had expected. We thought we were going to get more practical kind of things but who knows?! They made us travel there then what? Sit in the lecture theatre for whole day!

And I'm going to talk about the final talk "Projected Research and Business Developments" by Susan Conboy-Hill. Let me try to be unbiased and say what this talk is about. They are trying to bring in technology to "do" treatments. So here she talked about the people who are hardest to reach, people who stay at home all the time, people who are scared of human interaction or touching, people who hate leaving home, people who are scared of crowds (perhaps, I added some of these myself), yet all are people who need psychological helps. And they proposed (or in fact are going it already) this "virtual world" where people can learn about interaction, get support, feel "well-being".

Before she even finished introducing the whole ideas of it, my colleagues already started to raising hands objecting how this can probably work, then I joined the debate... We are psychologists (or "worse", we were trained "critical thinking" so much that we criticise everything all the time lol), we emphasise human interactions and think it's incredible central to human lives, well-being, contentment, satisfaction, recovery etc etc.

So I asked her, if Yuko (she just happened to sit next to me so I used her name) had problems interacting with people and thus is prescribed with "Virtual World", how is this going to help her with her situation and to get back to normal life? She answered, "how do you know she wants the interaction?" and carried on with her whole idea of how this can work. I agree, recovery quite often doesn't mean get back to "normal" or "how it used to be", and recovery can simply mean "a sense of well-being" very subjectively, but does she mean Yuko is going to spend the rest of her life in "virtual world"?!! Sometimes in Psychology, even Yuko doesn't know that she wants the interaction, at least not until we help her to do it, then slowly she realizes she really enjoys it and gets the most benefits out of it.

I'm so against technology in some ways. Of course I love technology too. I remember seeing a quote on the train, saying if the world hadn't invented mobile phones, we'd all interact more. Yes, so true. It was meant to assist communication, but nowadays how often do you sit in front of a friend but s/he is using phone on facebook/whatsapp etc?!

I appreciate the kind of convenience technology brings us undeniably. Or I wouldn't be able to Skype with my mum whenever I want. I also appreciate that technology can help with recovery, for example if you have a spot above your eye you google and find out what it possibly be then only decide whether to seek help. But technology can't be a treatment as a whole. Just because we're human... People can often read self-help books and understand more about themselves, can learn how to make themselves feel better etc. There can also be an iphone or android application to help people understand depression or monitor alcohol intake. But how are we going to treat someone with bipolar personality disorder with......... an app? with virtual world?!!!

She acted as if she's very "in" and initially perhaps she also kind of thought she'd get all kind of agreements and acceptance from us because we're the generation who have used and benefit most from the technology ever since. I suppose she was quite shocked to have heard us and turned really defensive, and didn't really make obvious points to answer most of our questions. I don't mean that I don't see the potential of their proposal. But I hate spending so much time in front of the laptop, with the phone. I still do it because there's this habit/addiction/whateveryoucallit. I certainly don't hope to see in the future facebook/twitter/smart phone apps replace all part of our social lives. (She loves twitter so much..) Oh let's go out for dinner... I mean in virtual world?!

And one day when I see you, I lost the ability to interact. (we all are certainly losing it... I just think we should stop before it becomes part of evolution)

The "Social Media Censorship" Debates

I travel a lot on underground and have recently noticed that The Economists has launched a debate on censoring social media. I do not personally think it should be, but I can see why certain people argue that we should - it's understandable. (for more details about the debate, click here)

I just have to say recently I'm quite addicted to a social networking website (Facebook it is. What else?). Although I don't play any facebook games but I can still spend quite a lot of time every day, reading friends' updates, articles, watching videos etc.

And thanks to FB, I came to know LYNAS and this rare earth materials. I do read news on sinchew.com.my, but the thing is I normally skip this type of "political" (I'd think it was if I didn't read on) news. In fact I come to realize a lot of political stuff that I'd never thought I'd be interested in. At times I think they've been exaggerated to reach the purpose/motives of the writers but more importantly, this becomes a very important and accessible media for people of all age no matter where they are, as long as they can access to internet..

From my view it's a good thing. Even when it's violated sometimes (also when it creates some racial issues), as long as we can judge rationally. But I'm not so sure for younger people.

Should social media be censored? Where do you stand?

P.S. I'm not writing about LYNAS.. I think there is no need to say that I'm against it. It doesn't make much sense to go for it. So there's no point to argue here.. (I just don't understand our government..) I'd rather Malaysia to be a developing country for another century or even bankrupt, than earning the money now and having later generations suffer badly.

Qualitative and Quantitative Methods in Psychology

I'm not writing to introduce these methods, so if this is what you're looking for please close this page.

I'm doing my dissertation this time again in quantitative method, originally I thought this reflects my interest and what I thought is the best method. Until recently I realized it doesn't reflect my interest, it reflects what university is able to provide their students with.

I did my undergraduate in University of Gloucestershire. There we had a professor who was a bit sissy (sorry! and worse I can't remember his name now), and he was really good in Discourse Analysis (a type of qualitative method), so that was what we were taught. I remember me and Pei Man did an assignment together regarding religions, in which we interviewed the head of our uni chapel (christian) and a malay friend who practices Islam religiously. I wouldn't say that I was very keen in that assignment, afterall that was something completely new, we weren't even sure what we had to do. This university we have Tom Farsides who is specialized in Ground Theory (another type of qualitative method), so again that's what we were taught in. He is quite a good lecturer, but I didn't pay too much attention during his lecturers, I thought, yes I thought, I wasn't interested, I thought I have decided to be a quantitative researcher.

Until recently, when I start to talk to people regarding my MSc. project. Most people found it very interesting, and quite often people share what they encountered in their lives with me. Today I was speaking to a lady in the language institute, she was like completely surprised and happy with what I'm doing, and told me she is really looking forward to my work. She continued to share some of her knowledge, and more importantly, some of her experience ("there had been lots of tears in this room (her office)"). I'm surprised how much she knows, despite the fact that she is an English and isn't someone practices in the social science field, but she sees a lot of international students.

You might think I must be happy to meet someone who can provide me with more information about my study. Unfortunately no, I'm slightly upset, with the fact that I'm going to disappoint her with my work. Because quantitative method can never capture so much information, I can never share her experience (and some of others) in my studies, my project is fixed, although it's complicated enough, but still, it's fixed.

Before I left I told her perhaps I can do an interview with her and learn more about her experience.. then we both smiled and said "for my (your) phd". Of course I was just joking, I told myself I am NOT going to take phd, at least not now.. but this is the first time...

(1) I feel I have to use qualitative method to capture how human behaviour really is like

(2) I think about doing a phd!!!

When you become a Psychologist

I have become a Psychologist a few years now, although I don't really see too much difference in myself but I slowly realized how people see me differently..

Another day I was talking to a psychologist-wanna-be, we were just talking about a guy she likes etc, then towards the end she claimed that she can see how "professionally" I formed my questions and she was suitably impressed. I was a bit surprised because I really thought we were just having some girls talk, quite casually although I certainly concern about how she feels. So I explained to her there was nothing psychology related..

When you complete a psychology degree people somehow see you differently, it is like you can never have girls talks or chat normally any more, because people will keep be reminded that they are taking to a psychologist, not a friend. But they forget that I can be a psychologist, a friend, and also a psychologist friend, or, just huibee.

Sometimes they really want to consult about something, for example a cousin who seems to be autistic, an uncle who has severe sleep disturbance, or just basically themselves having insomnia. At this point its okay you try your best to say what you know and think can help..

But at other times, they talk about their problems, so you listen and try to comfort like any friends will do, they then start becoming annoyed, wondering or even asking cant you just behave like a normal friend but not talk like a psychologist as if they need psychological helps! Well, in fact there isn't such thing (the psychologist-style-talk), it's all in their mind, their own illusion! All this time huibee is still huibee, the way I talk doesn't change much, in fact I still say what I want to say!

I know this sounds quite nonsense. But I face this situation quite often, especially to friends that I newly come across "wow psychology! I better watch what I say", "wow psychology? do me!" (DO WHAT?!).. or worse, they just take it and bear in mind subsconsciously and we carry on to talk, then towards the end they suddenly say "so that's what you think as a psychologist", "so that's how psychologist xxx", wrong wrong wrong! thats what I think being myself...

Now even worse, even myself start getting that illusion. When friends come to tell me s/he having insomnia, I start to wonder what s/he is expecting.. a psychologist's advice? (err I dont know! I can only use general knowledge..) or a friend's comfort? or just a listener?!

*Confused*

Chinese New Year 2012

It's now the 4th day of Chinese New Year. And it's finally that I feel it's going to over. Lol. Yes, because I don't get to celebrate it, I want it to be over as soon as possible. It was kind of depressing when it was approaching it, and the first couple of days. To be honest I don't remember feeling so down in the past few CNYs. But perhaps one of the things is that I had to complete two essays due this week (later today). The only thing made me better is to Skype with my family, and I think we did it 3 times on the first day, so I got to watch the fireworks through my sister's Iphone, the kind of thing we always do passing midnight since I have memory. I missed home that I felt I was going to cry on the eve. :(

It's time to go home!

Anyway, I completed my essays today! Just now! So I'm giving myself a brief holiday. Then I realized I have been so tensed, that I do not know how to relax, what I should do to relax. The thing is those ethical form, other assignments etc are still crossing my mind. I somehow lost the ability to relax, sadly. :( Even my entertainment now - watching drama, I'm watching "In Treatment", recommended by a Clinical Psychologist in his visitor lecture. Now I have visitor lecturers every week, twice a week. I quite like this, we get to see different professionals, who come in and tell us what they do, how they do it etc.

I was going to end my post by saying 新年快乐. Then I suddenly recalled the news that I saw, a man passed away playing fireworks on CNY eve. He's just got married last Dec, a father-to-be, he was also the only son at home.. I can't imagine how it's like for his family to lost him in a day like that, that way.. Guess we should just be grateful and treasure what and who we have with us!

What you need to know to travel to Barcelona

The Barcelona Card is worth getting. It saved us a hell lot of money on travelling (especially on Metro). And of course, some entrance fees too, though most are just 2-3 euros discount.

When entering the ticket into the machine at the Metro station, sometimes it's on your left, other time on your right. Weird!

Check their sales period before going! They don't have boxing day in December like most other countries. :(

The weather in December is not as warm as you imagine. The temperature up the hill is not as cold as you think.

In general they have all their meals 1-2 hours later than us. You might think this doesn't matter, but we went to a restaurant at 12pm and they were trying to serve us breakfast..

The Txapela restaurant is the only restaurant that I'd like to recommend. It's very close to one of the Zaras in the town. Though, I suppose people go there to eat "for fun" rather than treating it as a proper meal, otherwise you'd end up having a bill like ours.

Zara is not really "everywhere" like the guide book says. Though the price is also not as low as what most people say (well, at least compared to those in the UK, blame the pounds sterling!).

The only name I came to know after my trip is Antoni Gaudi. And Barcelona is the city of Gaudi. He honestly did very brilliant art work in this city. He's Gaudi!

Bring someone who reads maps brilliantly, if you can't do it yourself. We spent most of the time walking the complete opposite direction while we're looking for places!

Don't sleep with someone who likes to put his/her arm on his/her head. The elbow will be waking you up all night. (note: I wasn't the victim).

Overall it's a beautiful city (thanks to Gaudi). Most of the entrance fees are a bit costly. The food in general is good, and is usually reflected through the price. It's many people's favourite European city, though not mine!

Note: Can't find a proper picture of us 4..

New Year, again

It's hard to stop myself from saying it's again, another year. For the past few years I summarized what happened in that year and wrote a post at the end of the year, but not the 2011. It isn't that I haven't achieved anything worth noting, but I haven't got the time to do it. I was at work from 22nd to 26th of Dec, then went to Barcelona on 27th and came back on 30th late night, at work again on new year eve. Other than that I've been trying to work on my addiction essay, linear models exam and preparation for dissertation, and of course, some "necessary" entertainments.

That kind of summarize my life..

It has been quite a year for me. Let's talk about work first. Though I'm not going to talk about the content of my work, but the people I'm working with. I learnt so much, and realized how blessed I'm. I must had done a lot of good deeds in the past to have known some very nice people, for example one left me with her flat keys for me to stay in when she's away for holidays, and a lot of very nice colleagues. I don't think I believe in karma, since I was brought up, being told by my mum that we shouldn't do bad things, but we don't have to do good things too. And I can see where that comes from (it would take few hundreds words to explain that). Yet for me to have received all these kindness, I have to do something to pass the kindness and love around, I think. I don't know how yet, though. Ha ha. Perhaps I just dont like this "owing" feelings, I want to return the favour, but I can't, not yet.

Another major change in the year 2011 must be enrolling myself into a clinical psychology postgraduate study. That's like back in Hin Hua, that's what I call study, and what I realized I've lost - the ability to work so hard like nobody's business. It's way too different from pursuing my undergraduate degree. But I guess I enjoy it, I guess, most of the time, if it's not all the time.

It has also been more than 5 years since I came to the UK. I see how much I've changed, then I wonder if anyone else sees that. There are certainly changes that I don't want them to be, I suppose we human don't always have choice (is free will an illusion? there will be few thousands words discussion..).

Other than that, I went home twice this year. My eldest brother got married in June. I became an aunty in July. I moved to a beautiful city in September. I said Good Bye to my 5 year old Dell and welcomed my Macbook Pro. I started to go to church occasionally. ... ...

New Year resolutions is not something for me. And I think I have so many things to do that I do not need more to have myself fail doing. The most important thing now is to look for my motivation, to pull myself together and study. (Now I'm going to watch drama..)

P.S. I aim to write more about my trip to Barcelona if I have the time!

I want to write something

Yes, I just want to write something. Just re-read my previous post, it was what?! November! and we're now in the 2nd week of December already.. What?!!?!

I handed in all three assignments today. I don't know how they'll come out, I didn't aim high I've got to admit it. But I did try my best. It's just too much. TOO much to cope with. Anyway it's gone now. There is a MOCK exam tomorrow (people tend to ignore the word "mock" when I mentioned that...). I don't think there's anything I can prepare tonight, I'm just going to bring all my handouts tomorrow and see how well I can do. The real exam will be after Christmas holidays. Well, after the so-called holidays, in which I have one 3000 words essay and one 1000 words essay due, one exam, one whole book to finish (for my research dissertation, written by my supervisor!). To be honest I'm really glad to have him as my supervisor, it just seems that he knows "anyone" in the cross-cultural field (I think he was the editor of Journal of Cross-cultural Psychology and the president of something else.....). I hope we'd work well together (well, we should). The workload is going to be highhhh though.

Going to Barcelona with PM, Fel and Jedwind (stranger to my blog - this is originally PM's housemate's friend..) at the end of December! That's going to be my only break. I was really thinking whether I should go, with all my workload (I'm still working, especially returning my "debt" hours). But mama said go to relax (although she also said can go after graduation!). Okay, relax.

It's so cold. I don't know if it's a good idea to live at seafront!! The wind is so bloody strong, I can hear the wind and the wave all the time! And I have to really look after myself because it seems everyone gets sick really easily at this place.. Oh well when it's nice and sunny, it all returns, who gets to see sunrise and sunset every day?!! (Did I say that I live same row with Hilton and many other hotels?!) And my location is even better than Hilton. Ha ha ha ha ha...

Oh Hui Bee, you need to write some quality posts.. D:

Stressful, Emotional, Contented

Handed in the first assignment and did a presentation yesterday. Spent over 12 hours in the uni. Got to know my supervisor today. Working (as in as a health care assistant not a master student) tomorrow all the way till Wednesday morning next week.

This life ain't easy. Another 3 pieces of assignment due in 2 weeks. I hope there is another huibee to help out a little bit.

Ryuji (my presentation group mate, japanese) said, he could feel everyone's stressful too, because everyone gets angry really easily, everyone is like really impatient now. True. I told him I get angry really easily now. With my flatmate Akansha (Indian) closing the door loudly a few times at night and in the morning every day, I spoke to her for the 3rd time about the same thing just now. I actually said "Fuck You" when it happened again. Lol. No, I won't fuck you. Sorry.

Most of the time I'm actually quite happy, despite the stress. I feel contented when I have a lot done, especially nowadays I like to stay in the library and work till evening, with my macbook. Most of the time will be quite lucky to bump into some other stressful big-headed friends who are also rushing for something. But undeniably my emotion fluctuates so much, just slightly better than bipolar mood disorder I believe, slightly.

I made some friends. Met some ASEAN (mainly Malaysian and Singaporean) friends, a Chinese from SiChuan whom I quite like to befriend in my class, a Jap guy that I mentioned already, a Germany girl who is also in my presentation group, and another two Malaysians who took some modules with me. Of course, I also made quite some Hi-and-Bye friends.

Last week I was so fed up with my work manager Phil that I thought about leaving work. Someone who offered to help me turned me down and I nearly had to sleep on the street last week. They said when god closes one door, he will open a window for you. So within 5 minutes the window showed up, then I realized how lucky and blessed I am. Not fed up anymore. But I really want to know whether I should keep the job, and I wonder who can give me the answer.

I bought a Christmas present for the work "secret santa" game. I wrapped it up nicely and cut the letters of her name down from a magazine (poor magazine!) and sticked them on the wrapping paper. I wonder who my secret santa is?!

Damn it when I'm typing this, a Black man opened my door!!!!! I think he's the Jamaican flatmate, Kady's friend. Walao =.=. I'm still in shock. He said sorry and closed the door back. I didn't even smile. It's not okay. I won't smile! (See how easy I get angry!!) Okay, nevermind. By the way my flatmates are all nice, despite what I said about them.

Oh how can I forget that there will be a Malaysian Chinese moving into the flat upstairs next week. I know her from facebook - ha ha, random, I know! But it was because we were all looking for people who're from same kampung before we came to Sussex. (How come chrome didn't pick up "kampung" as a spelling mistake?!?!?!) So next time there will be someone who can have dinner with me or travel back from uni with me (she likes to stay in library to study too).

All these look so random and schizophrenic. Just some screen shots of my life recently. Christmas holidays in two weeks. I really want to ski!! But nobody is interested to go with me so far :(

I think I should talk to mama/family more. It always makes me feel better (no matter what random things we say). And I really want to meet my niece... by the time I meet her, she's probably no longer a baby!!

A Newly PG Student

I moved to Brighton and had my induction last week. It'd be my first class tomorrow, as a MSc. Clinical Psychology and Mental Health student in University of Sussex.

It seems that I didn't give myself enough preparation (psychologically), I caught a cold on Tuesday while I was doing nights, sore throat, cough, fever, headache. Until this second I'm still not sure if my decision of keeping my job is right (but it's certainly not wrong). I suppose that's just something in me, that I always want to make myself proud, (and also people around me), so I take up the challenge.

The weather was amazing when I moved in, I was admiring the beach and walking around quite a lot during the first week (I can see the Brighton beach just through my room window!). But returning from London today, I could barely move downhill as the wind is so strong, yes it still is! I think I forgot, that whether it's Cheltenham, London or Brighton, I'm still in England! Typical English weather!!

Anyway, after a few hours of studies it's time for entertainments! Then I'll get some sleep and go to library before class tomorrow.

A Day in the Life of a Mental Hospital Patient

Just read this:

A day in the Life of a Mental Hospital Patient

Going to a mental hospital is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by and I encourage everyone to take that step if they find it necessary. Life can be overwhelming and sometimes we just need to heal.

I find that quote good - stigma-free. Maybe becoming a patient for a period of time will make me a better carer too? Anyway, that isn't the main purpose of my post..

I can't help comparing how a day of this particular person (no longer patient)'s day compared to those that are on my ward. Some parts of it are quite similar, but I just really want to point out the main difference, which is the rehabilitation activities. Similarly, we have all those structures (certain time for meals, medications, basic activities like garden breaks), but how about the rehabilitation part? Someone on my ward can sleep through the whole shift (7.5 hours) and not doing anything. Others can just get up only for meals and leaves and do nothing else for whole day. What's good for keeping them in there and not doing anything meaningful and productive? And worse, not even helping with their mental states and general health (well most of them are obese). There isn't structured rehabilitation activities, if there is, there are way too loose (e.g. one to one session that only takes place every one to two weeks, psychology sessions that happens only once a week etc). What can they do other than those?

Sleep + Eat.

And can you believe for these people to Sleep + Eat peacefully every single day, how much are we taxpayers paying for that?!!!! It's okay if it helps, but does it?

One used to tell a member of staff, when the latter told him he's good at cooking, he can be a cook when he leaves the hospital, the patient said "no I'm not going to work. I'll receive benefits for the rest of my life." So oh yeah, more money for his benefits, travel pass, accommodations etc. This is what the service leads them to. Ouch! that's my moneee :(

Big Fat Bully

Bully is home. It makes me depressed. I am supposed to be very jovial as I'm off for the next few days after three long days. But hearing his voice makes me sick.

I'm going to act like nothing happens, and like he's invisible. Can't wait to move out.

Wow

A kind of funny thought came out to my mind today when I was having the monthly staff meeting on the ward... Phil (the ward manager) wanted us to say something positive about the ward if the dice turns out 3-6 and negative if 1-2. He passed it to me, I rolled it and it showed 4, I then thought for 2-3 seconds then said something that I really like about this ward.

Then the dice was passed on. I was then thinking, I was doing all these so naturally, I was the first one to start with, I was speaking English in front of all these people whose mother tongue is English, but my heart didn't even beat a little faster.

You might not realize what I want to say yet, because even myself have not realized what I have become until today. I went to Chinese kindergarden, Chinese primary school, Chinese secondary (high) school. I'd never liked English class (apart from Junior 2, Ms Mariam who was an excellant teacher). I was consistently one of the highest scorers in most if not all subjects, and it was always English the exemption. I disliked it, I wasn't interested to learn it, I found it so difficult.

But today, it all happened so naturally. Wow. I'm impressed.

P.S. I've been put down to go to Thorpe Park (for work)!! Really excited!

People are sick.

Riots started from Tottenham and London and now all across the UK. I can still hear ambulance and police siren out there while I'm writing this. I wonder what's wrong with these people, with this mindless and disgraceful acts, what have they achieved?

Now people lost their home, some with little babies. Some people lost everything in their shops. Today when I was on the way back home from work, I saw a shop which glasses was broken, put a note out saying "This shop is close, there is nothing inside". The looters have got what they wanted, by breaking the glasses and went in to pick what they want. It even came out on the news that some chaps even went into JD sports to try on trainers during the riots! Pure madness.

Initially I didn't think it was this bad. Because apparently a mum from Tottenham said on the evening the building was set on fire, there were youth running on the corridors shouting "Fire" and even helped her to run with her kids. Alright so I assumed they weren't going to hurt people, at least they don't want anyone killed. But now, after three nights in a row and now the fourth, I think they are nowhere thoughtful even if they've done that. They're young teenagers, who don't even know what they're doing, what have happened and are going to happen, they're doing it because others are doing it - all credits to our social medias, to spread the news to call for gathering.

Now some are blaming the migrants, the whites blaming the blacks, the blacks blaming the government. But it turns out really obvious (from the CCTV) that it wasnt just a particular group of people. There are black, white, brown, oriental, purple and green (well they're all covered, who knows some are purple/green?!! Cowards, if you're so brave to have done this, why not show your face?!). Also, a video on youtube shows a Malaysian student was actually robbed by those rioters after injured during the riots.

Anyway, I'm just grumbling. I still managed to go to work today. Enfield town seems to be under controlled now. It's 'good' that it was attacked on the 2nd night, so police were ready to defend it (after 1st night), and there's now police officers everywhere (so hopefully nothing major is going to happen again). Oh by the way, all these were claimed to start because of Mark Duggan was [fatally] shot by the police. I don't know what's true or not, apparently people, including the officers can say whatever they want, but it's quite sure that he is not an innocent man. But then I also believe he was just used as an excuse.

One of the colleagues was saying they should really bring the army in, which I do not agree with. I think if the whole thing isn't dealt very sensitively, things are going to get real bad. Though I agree, their government is rather soft (I've not even seen tear gas yet so far! they only brought some big dogs when it happened in Enfield), and you know what, they talk TOO much about human right. Put it this way, to be considerate to those rioters and rooters and arson-ers and whatevers, and consider so much about their human rights, then who is going to stand up for the human right of we the innocences and victims?

But then after watching the news, I'm thinking what's wrong with the young generation? is it them to be blamed? or the society, the parents, the adults?! What makes this people being brought up in this society yet turn around and become rioters and creating mayhem? The news said some (of the rioters) are uni graduates, college students, graphic designers, army-to-be etc. If they're happy and healthy mentally, why would they have done this?

"I want sex!"

No no, it wasn't me who said that, lol. I was doing response today, and went down quite a few times to an acute ward, doing reviews on this man in the seclusion room. He's a massive mad man, and has hit two of our TAMVA instructors (who are supposed to be very professional and the top people in restraining patients). I'd never met this man till today. But I have heard a lot of stories from others who have done response in the past two weeks. One of the significant event that I remember was that he pooed in the seclusion room, and made it really dirty, then that day when they tried to do a review, he stood up, slipped on his own poo and fell on his own poo! (hahahahah, how dramatic is that?!) Apart from that he's always naked (not today, just half naked) and very very inappropriate to female staff.

Today when I went, I was thinking I would be really useless, as a little young female nurse. It turned out he's obsessed with females again, then was telling the other staff that he wanted to talk to me (the other female staff around are at more mature age..), so I became a lure, to keep his attention, while they put his food and drinks via the toilet sides and unlocked the room before he realized. I found that quite funny, because I basically just had to talk (through the interphone/viewing panel), then I've done my part. xD Though one of the times he kept asking me to come closer, then when I told him to put the mattress back to where it should be, he started repeatedly saying "I want sex!" The nurse in charge said directly, okay! it's over!

His behaviour is entirely unexplainable (apart from the word 'madness'). His speech is incoherent, and is so obsessed with females. At the same time he is also strong and can be so violent. He can be naked in front of so many staff not feeling a thing; He stuffed his food below the door; He doesn't use toilet but anywhere of the room...

He will be sent to a high security hospital next week. I'm just wondering how people like him get well.. I'd like to learn that and be part of someone like that's progress, but then it seems the control and restraint that we learnt is nothing when we face someone like him.. I know some of the guys on my ward used to be very mad before too. I hope some time in the future I'd get to explore the more severe area. :)

Grateful :D

一个累字形容今天

可是心里却满满是感恩 :D

我想有时候我把人性想得不够好

这世界有太多值得让我学习的人...

P.S. I'll elaborate what happened when everything is confirmed and when I've got some spare energy.

Halo August

It's nearly the end of July, and I have not had any update for nearly two months, surprisingly when I checked my viewers there are still about 4 visitors on average every day, I guess it's still the old debatable posts that are receiving attentions (rather than any friends/family).

Life has not been too busy, I simply lost the passion to blog :S.

Something really important to note is that I have turned into an auntie on July the 13th, welcoming my niece to the world. :) She's also a rabbit (Chinese zodiac), was born also at 2+ o'clock in the early morning, just like me, ha ha.

I'm still a grateful person (pure random), though I went through a kind of depressive period when I first came back to London again in June. But things are all good now, sometimes we forget who we are. Sometimes we forget what we really want and need. Sometimes we just focus too much on certain things and overlook other important things.

In 1.5 months, I'm going to be here for 5 whole years. :O

I no longer know how to write a proper blog post...