Hmmph!

Can't bear this bad feeling after the phone call =S

I wonder if I did anything wrong, where I couldn't see the problem at all

yet she was saying it as if she is just trying to be nice

so I must be the baddie, with very bad communication skills, and worse, I can't manage my emotions. Though I could only be silent when I was angry and upset

Perhaps think it this way, too many good things happened on me, and there must be up and down in life =S

I know I can take this, it shouldn't keep me low for long

and I will pay for it, whatever it costs

but woman, I'm doing this, because I don't want to be rude

P.S. Merry Christmas!

Can't wait for boxing day next! Shopping time xD =X

P.S. My housemates are bloody good cooks and they are nice people!

I should have realized this earlier =)

Here comes December

Unbelievable, it's already December of 2010!!!

Just 3 more weeks until Christmas and 4 weeks until 2011!

and 1 more month till I work for half a year in north london forensic service.

Still considering whether to get the tickets to fly back during chinese new year!

Just because I'm sure I will be going back during May-June for gogo's wedding, and probably end of the year for good, I really see no point of going back 3 times a year if I go back during February.

But then! I don't know what I can do with my annual leaves..

In general colleagues take their annual leaves and rest at home.. But having 1-2 day off a week is more than enough for a hyper person like me..

I don't need annual leaves to relax =S

I want to go travelling, but it's cold and SNOWING everywhere, plus bpeng and the others are going back for cny.

I don't want to be here with friends and colleagues who don't celebrate cny =S

So... go back?

Talk about snowing! Remember first year when we came, how desperate we were to see snow

how excited we were to see a bit of snow!

and look at now! it's just autumn! it's just november when it started to snow!

and it snowed cats and dogs!! (opps! does this idiom exist? xD)

In the ward we have got the x'mas tree up and decorations all over the place already.. plus the snowing scenes.. just lovely!

I really enjoy watching snow, beautiful! =)))

On Monday went to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow with a patient

it was good =)

but I feel it was a bit dragging unlike the previous ones, it could be the cold in the cinema as the heating wasn't working

thanks to my patient who was trying to warm my hand.. haha =.=

Then I watched a second time with another patient yesterday..

Could have let somebody else go if I knew he was going to watch HP as well

Anyway, I still couldn't think of another job better than mine at the moment =p

Not sure where are the girls now.. must be all over the places with their families

Congratulations to bp, pm and fs for their graduations! though it was long time ago =.=

Hmmm.. Let's just enjoy the last bits of the year!

I don't want to see this happens

A bit of heartache. A patient was restraint to be given his depot today, and I was part of the restrain members. This patient, he had been muted for about 2 years, and when he first came to our ward, I was the first person he spoke to, and the ward manager was quite impressed that I managed to get him talked. Now that I saw that happened, I feel pain for him. He's not a difficult patient, 100% not. But this happens every week. Because he doesn't want to consent that he has got mental illness, by accepting the depot voluntarily, it simply means he has got mental illness, so he would decline, so we would need to restrain and inject him. He was strongly defending, 6-7 of us were holding him, and he still managed to move. After this, I've got no courage to look into his eyes. For no reasons, I feel guilty. =.=

This reminds me of another patient's words. At first he defended himself, he fought back. That led to more medications and seclusion, so he learnt, he learnt to be complied, because he wants to get himself out of here. Are patients actually getting better, or do they just learn to pretend better?

No fear

今天在巴士上擠沙丁魚的時候 收到六個 missed calls (話説巴士擠得根本不可能把手機拿出來 只能尷尬地讓它一直震動)

後來下了巴士 才發現六個 missed calls 都來自經理的手機 因爲我的 mentor 把我寫給他的話轉給他了

今天是我的假日 也是他的假日 可是他知道后 就打了那麽多多多多電話給我

回他電話 講了十多分鐘 還聽見他的小孩在吵鬧 xD

真的工作狂一個

事情是關於我值夜班的時候 一些不負責任的 seniors 爲了睡覺把我一個人留在 ward 裏 連休息的機會都沒有 (重點不在我休息與否 在於把一個 23 嵗的女生獨自留在 18 個有犯罪前科的male ward, 爲了不要讓同事看見而間接連累當晚的seniors 所以我選擇用中文打 =.=)

本來我想讓事情過去了 也以爲已經過去了 沒想到 mentor 放假回來看見我上個星期的 email

就馬上讓經理知道了 跟經理說完話 心情還沒怎麽能平復

我怎麽會有那麽好的經理和 mentor..?!?!

昨天才說起這個 supervisor (mentor) 真的超好 今天又要稱讚他們兩個一次了

很多時候 會有麻煩 會有一點委屈 會很累 可是每次都因爲這些很善良很 supportive 的 seniors, 而覺得沒有事情了

有時候 晚上九點值完班 同事會覺得外面很黑很冷 把我送到家門口

不是我眼淺(吧?) 是他們真的很照顧我

說到底 其實來來去去 有問題的都是一樣的人 我開不開口 這兩三個人也一直是大家不希望一起工作的人 (天 用中文敍述事情好難!)

不管怎樣 身在這個 ward 還是沒有辦法不覺得太幸運~ XD

I'm never scared, never afraid, never feel threaten, because whenever things happen, I know a whole bunch of them would be there for me, would give me a hand, would stand up for me, and this bunch of people, includes probably 70% of the patients.

NHS, are you helping them?

Took a patient out on grounds today, had a very thoughtful conversation with him, or should I say, he has told me about his thought regarding the way this place treating mentally ill patients, and whether or not this is helping them.

I have had this thought probably since the second month I work there - are we helping them? are they progressing? should they be here or in the community? You wouldn't believe it until you actually work there, that how much money NHS is spending on them, and what is actually coming in returns.

Well, I'm not a qualified nurse, neither am I a clinical psychologist (yet), I might not give the most accurate fact that reflects the truth, but the patients, they are the central of the whole system (the hospital, the treatments, the multidisciplinary team, the nhs), shouldn't their thought count and be deeply considered? I know, some of them are really not that well, what they say might not be beneficial to themselves, and they might be saying all these simply because they want to get themselves out of the hospital. But this particular patient, he just spoke out what I think, that there is no point of keeping them there, for years and years, doing nothing every day, not knowing when they will be discharged, not being involved in the outside world etc etc. If we want to give them treatment and make them better, we should do it every day, every single day, not like once a week. If we were to organize courses, make it a daily one, not like once a week. The thought of not knowing when they can leave is simply depressing - and I strongly agree with this. They all know they are wasting their time, their lives, missing many important parts of lives, losing contacts with theirs loved ones. I actually feel sad when I heard these, because I know he is right.

Unlike yesterday when another patient told me that he has wasted too much time in the hospital, he wants to get out and carry on with his life, I was still aware that this patient will still have to stay for longer, as I know his condition isn't really good, especially when he first came, he was so unsettled. But patient that I took out today, I deeply hope that he would get himself out asap and never come back.

You know, I don't mean that all the patients should be discharged in 2-3 months.. There are always cases taking few years until they really recover. The thing is, when we keep them in there, why are we keeping them in there? And are they progressing? Are we helping them? I mean if we were to keep them for 10 years, make sure they are getting better in these 10 years, but not getting depressed not knowing when the stay would come to an end. Like what the patient said, they would have to be very strong, very tough, to be able to stay there for that long without any suicidal thought. I could imagine that, it's not easy, at all.

And guess what, I will listen to him - the day and the time when I become a clinical psychologist, I would do my best to make sure myself, also including the system are helping these people (just that, by the time I wouldn't be in the UK anymore). I know how advance this country is, but it doesn't mean their methods are always right and good, and sometimes, things keep on developing, and it could simply and blindly not developing to a right direction.

Patient Kicked off

It was my first day doing response in the ward yesterday.

Firstly I think I'd explain what is "response"? Basically every single staff and visitor would carry an alarm whenever they are in the ward. And when emergency cases happen (e.g. patients trying to attack you, patients fighting, patients doing self harm etc), we would press the alarm. In every ward, there would be one staff who is doing response in every shift. They carry a radio, a bunch of keys and a pager. So when someone presses the alarm, it would first come on the pager, saying, for example XX ward, staff base (or games area, or dining room, or west corridor etc, wherever the emergency case takes place. and yes, the alarm would locate where the person who presses the alarm is).

My first ever experience doing response yesterday was in another ward down stairs, which is an acute ward. I was the first two arriving there, and saw a patient was kicking off, but was restraint by 2 female staff (which apparently was from that ward itself), so the male response team took over the restraint (we learnt this during the TAMVA course, see my previous post).

The patient was very very unstabled, apparently he was responding to external stimuli, asking "why are you doing this to me? come fight me! you coward! come fight me. you spoilt my life. i lost everyone in my life now. now! come fight me" etc etc. For 10 minutes, he was talking with another person who doesnt exist. Staff trying to calm him down, but he couldn't listen to any of us and just carried on shouting. He tried to hit his head, tried to kick (his hands were restraint, and at the end so were his legs) and refused any medications.

About 15 minutes later, he stopped. And I could see his hands really trembling, he asked, "what happened?" The staff said they would discuss it later, they want him to rest for a while first, and calm down first. He said "I'm really scared. What happened? What just happened? Did I hurt anyone? I'm really scared" Despite staff stating that he did not hurt anyone, apparently he was so worried and scared about what just happened, he had entirely no memory on what just happened, and his hands were really shaking. At this point, he took his medications, but still asking what just happened. We left his room after he took the medications.

I went back to my ward after that, about 3 hours later when I was on another response in the same ward, I saw him, and he looked really fine, calm and steady, pacing in the ward. (This second response was another patient refusing depot and got a bit aggressive).

I'm happy he wasn't sent into seclusion room. I guess one main reason was because their ward seclusion was occupied at the moment, if they wanted to send this patient to seclusion, it would have to be the seclusion in my ward.. and that would really keep my ward busy and more unsettled. But I'm happy not because of this reason, I think sending patients like this into seclusion room wouldn't help them, when you're in an total empty room, four walls, one mattress and nothing else, for 24 hours every day, that would just make their conditions worse. They would simply become more unsettled.

It's the first time I really noticed one patient actually kicked off, it was really a shock in me, especially when I saw how he trembled and scared not knowing what himself just did. and am glad how settled my ward patients are. Though it's good, that I start doing response and see what is happening in other wards.

When I went back to my ward, passed by my manager's office, he asked how it was and I told him what happened. He said "good stuff", I thought that was just his habit of saying it. But when I went back to office, they all asked me how it was. Haha, the charged nurse told me, Phil worried that I couldn't handle it, but she said I look like I could survive everything, and I'd proven her right. =)

Accommodation During Greece Trip

All About Greece 4: Where to stay?

I think I had never really stayed in an apartment while travelling with friends and this was probably my first experience. And guess what, I'd strongly recommend it if you have got enough number of people to share it (an apartment) with. As its facilities and services were far better than 2-3 stars hotels in general.

The apartment that we stayed in Rethymno, Crete was Aloe Apartments. The location is good, very close to the beach and mini markets. The facilities were superb. The only thing which isn't that good was probably their reception isn't 24 hours, so the help is not there all day long. And also the hot water seems to be limited and I showered in cold water on the first night. However, these did not really affect. On the last day when we checked out, the receptionist even offered to give us a lift to the bus station, how nice was that! And during the journey, he wished that we would write a review of the apartment in Mandarin. Hahaha. (Prices were 96 euro for 2 nights, 4 persons/apartment, breakfast not included)

Two single bed in the living room. - Aloe Apartments.

Room. - Aloe Apartments.

The kitchen and the dining area. - Aloe Apartments.

We stayed in Irini Hotel in Heraklion. To be honest, I can't really think of anything good about this hotel. It isn't that bad, just that, it wouldn't be what I will recommend (Prices were 132 euro for 2 nights, 4 persons/room, breakfast not included).

We spent three nights at Lion Apartments, Athens. We got into quite some troubles finding this apartment, asking pedestrian, police, ambulance until we finally found it. Its service and facilities were really good though. We get there before 9am, and the room service lady get the room ready and let us check in at early morning without putting any extra charges. She was really friendly and helpful, explaining every single things in the apartment, helped us with our luggages, and worked really efficiently, without hoping for tips (we planned to give her but didn't see her again after that first day). (Prices were 270 euro for 3 nights, 4 persons/apartment, breakfast not included, free wireless). I'd recommend it if you don't mind that the location was a bit far from metro stations.

View from our room.

Also, if you're travelling between islands and mainlands, I'd say taking a night ferry would save you some money and time, the only disadvantage is that you would hardly sleep comfortably on the ferry unless you get a room (but then it'd be costly). We bought "deck" tickets which cost us less than 30 euros per person (Anek Lines). Although we did not get the chance to try, I think they served good food as well.

The ferry we took.

More:

All About Greece 1: Airport Taxe/Cab in Crete

All About Greece 2: Athens or Islands?

All About Greece 3: Restaurants "Customering" and Culture

Restaurant "Customering" in Greece

All About Greece 3: Restaurant "Customering" and Culture

When we were walking in Greece, one thing we found is that there would always be someone standing in front or at the door side of the restaurant, and trying to get some customers into their restaurant, or at least look at their menus.

Remember on the first night at Rethymno, when there was a man trying to convince us to try their Greek dishes, we were just being polite and said we have eaten, at the end we picked another one. The next day we passed by it again, the same guy, recognizing us, saying that we should really visit him this day, as we sort of lied the day before, and he saw us dining in another restaurant etc etc.

What do you think about this? For me, we were just trying to reject him in a polite way (as our apartment receptionist recommended us some restaurants already), and he was being very rude to say that to us. We're the ones paying, shouldn't we get to choose what we want? =S

Just be aware of this, and if you're not going to eat anything, just try not to walk pass one whole row of restaurants.. you'd probably get tired saying no!

The other thing is about tips. On our first night in Athens, after finished dining, we asked for the bills and paid the total. One first man came by our table and "reminded" us that service charge wasn't included. When we were still discussing whether to pay tips and how much to pay, a second man came and collected the money on the table, counting, before leaving our table, he said "put the tips on the table! put the tips on the table" Imagine our expressions. =.= I was a bit pissed off and said we shouldn't be paying tips to people like this! How can he ORDERED us to pay him tips?! And guess what, at the end we left €0.10 on the table!

Just remember this restaurant.. it's close to Athens Monastiraki metro station..

More:

All about Greece 1: Airport taxi/cab in Crete

All about Greece 2: Athens or Islands?

Athens VS Greece Islands

All About Greece 2: Athens or Islands?

We went to an island called Crete in Greece, spent 4 nights over there (2 nights in Rethynmo, 2 nights in Heraklion), and then took a night ferry to Athens, spent another 3 nights in Athens.

For me, before I had been there, Athens is a place that I must go, for the history that we have learnt about it since young, for the name "雅典"! It simply sounds like a "must go" to me. While Greece at the same time, is famous with its islands and beaches.

Whether you want Athens or an island, it really depends what kind of trip you're up to. Rethymno is such a relaxing place, very blue sea and sky, nice hot weather, long beach (we even play monopoly card games on the beach xD), great Greek food with very reasonable prices.. There are also some historical places if all day beach time is too much for you.

While Athens.. to be honest, what you see is stones and pillars.. We can spend whole day at and around Acropolis and Museum of Acropolis. Are you interested to learn about their history, their Gods, the wars etc?

I'd say depending on your holiday mood and state, go to either one (but pure Athens visit sounds quite dry for me =X). But if you want to be like us, visiting both, go to Athens first and then the islands! You'd have the Greek specialist food and seafood crazily when you arrive the island, and enjoy the weather to the fullest!

Also, if you're not so into great sunshine and sun bathing, I would say September and early October is a good time to visit Greece.

More:

All About Greece 1: Airport taxi/cab in Crete

Airport Taxi/Cab in Greece (Crete)

All About Greece 1: Airport Taxi/Cab in Crete

The first ever lesson we learnt from Greece when we arrived in the airport in Crete, is the money faces of the taxi drivers surrounding the airport. They approached us and asked where we were up to (Rethymno). And then I asked him whether he could provide me with information about getting there, with the cheapest way, he said yes. He first analysed about taking bus-

*€2 to Heraklion town centre

*€12 to Rethymno

*€10-20 to your hotel

*Took you 4 hours

However, if you use a taxi, we could get there in an hour with about €80 (€100 at first), which is a huge saving for the four of us. He was right - four persons is the perfect number to take a cab.

We decided to consider and said that we would come back to him. I was thinking, he must be right to say that it costs €2 to go to Heraklion, since it's 2mins away from bus stop, I can ask for the price how easily. But that isn't the case! We asked the bus ticket to Heraklion and it costs only €0.90! and the truth is

*€0.90 to Heraklion

*€6.90 to Rethymno

*€1.25 to accommodation by cab (€5 for 4 persons). We walked towards the wrong direction (due to an google map error) and decided to take a cab from the old town to our apartment (Aloe Apartment). Or we could have saved this money.

*3+ hours (because we spent time walking towards the wrong direction)

See the difference?? (4 of us spent €36.20, compared to €80) They simply doubled up the prices and exaggerated the duration and convinced you to take taxi. They know you're carrying your heavy luggage(s) and just want to get to your hotel/apartment and check in asap. So, beware of those taxi drivers at airport, whether or not they are licensed, whether or not they look/act professional, whether or not they sound reasonable.

Greece!!

Ah Ah Ah!! I'm feeling so strange now! bloody strange! when I'm supposed to be very excited but I am not! why?!

Tomorrow night I will be off from Enfield to Greece!

But my holiday mood just ain't here yet =(

where're you?!

Athens in Greece, it's on the top of my list! How can I not feeling excited? =S

This week has been "a week" for me..

Worked on Monday, had a bad shift as I was sent to Sage ward, which wasn't very good experience as they placed me to do the obs in seclusion room, I was so depressed by the end of the shift.

Tuesday I attended the TAMVA (Team Approach in Managing Violence and Aggression, if im not mistaken) training course. Not easy, many to pick up, a lot of physical activities! Get to know some nice friendly people from other wards too. Phil came to find me and told me that my supervisor has been changed! I was bloody happy. =) Not that the old one isn't good, but I really like the new one, who works the same style like me.. =)

Wednesday again attending the course, legs started to be sore.. But I started to enjoy the course and the process, despite so many bruises on my body =S

Thursday.. The assessment day of the training. I was damn bloody brave to be the first to be assessed as a team leader, and guess what? I got full score being a team leader! =D I was a bit too nervous when doing the team member part.. but still, I passed the course! One of my colleague did not make it though... hope she will be fine next time =)

Back to ward again on Friday, with super sore legs, can't even walk on the stairs! Was nearly sent to Sage ward again, but thanks god Phil was in this day, and he was right, no point exchange me with an agent nurse who can't do anything! Took one of my favourite patients out for a walk, in the rain - wasn't romantic though.. xD.

And here I started my 13 days off! =D But it was a bit of rush.. the holiday mood isn't here, and I just don't feel like get things packed! =S Didn't do any pre-trip "homework".. But! I'm quite excited and expecting good weather over there... rather than staying in this bloody London weather =S

Hope it would be a great trip! I haven't been leaving this country for a trip for long!!!!

A quote

I treat them [mentally ill patients in the forensic unit] as a human being, like someone's son, someone's brother, someone's husband, someone's dad. But at the back of my head, I never forget, why these people are here.

(Thomas, 2010)

I quoted this from a Charged Nurse (a position between ward manager and a qualified nurse) in my ward during an am-pm shift handover yesterday. She said it so naturally, but it was very impressive. This woman, I see from her, how patient care is.. what does it mean to be caring, the way she does her job, the way she helps the patients, the way she spends time out from the office with the patients, are what releasing care suppose to be.

Simply impressed, think it is worth a post in my blog!

公私分明

我在想 從事我們這類型行業的人 是有可能公私分明的嗎?

就是像我們這種以"人"為工作中心的行業

有可能説 我回到家就絕對不會想公事 也不會把工作情緒煩惱帶回家 可能嗎?

我覺得就算不是以"人"爲中心的行業都很難了 更別説我們了

像我的 ward manager 他是個工作狂 (我都叫他 workaholic 他還說我像他 =.=)

有時候禮拜六早上七點去到 ward 裏

他明明 day off, 但是也會打電話 update 我們一些事 =.=

他滿腦子都在想我們 ward patients and staff.. 這樣會不好嗎?

我猜可能對他的家人來説會有一定的困擾

但是這種幹勁積極和所投注的時間精力

絕對是他這麽年輕就是個 band 7 經理級人物的原因之一

所以分析了一下 我又覺得沒辦法把公私分得那麽清楚 好像也沒有關係

會這麽想 是因爲禮拜一 ward 裏跟我一樣早期在的一個病人會被 discharged了

每天這麽相處 真的能沒什麽感覺送走他們嗎?

當然不會希望他又做了什麽或者出什麽狀況而回來

但是我真的不是個習慣這樣讓別人從我生命來來去去的人 =.=

Reblog: A letter by a Malaysian in the USA

For people who are always interested in some issues regarding Asian/Malaysian living in western countries, there are some interesting comments going on there.

And guess what, now that I think I can be one of those who also actually write something about it, after months of working for the largest employer in the Europe - NHS and months of living in London.

But, I'm not ready yet with this "A letter by a Malaysian in the UK". Hahaha... Should I say, stay tuned? xD

菲前警官騎劫旅巴新聞

菲律賓 血腥悲劇感人情節 夫擋子彈捨命護妻

今早起身 看完這篇 T__T

雖然昨天就從新聞和一些 facebook link 知道了

可是看完報道 還是很難過

沒辦法想象原本開開心心去旅遊最後丟命的

臨死要經歷那麽多小時的折磨

還有殉職的導遊

那些保護家人的 還有那個帶“別人的小孩”下車的婦女 好偉大 好厲害 能急中生智

哎 人性太複雜 社會太多不平衡的人和事

這種受到不公平待遇而心生怨恨最後導致流血事件的 也不少了

要怎樣使人們得到宣洩的管道 怎樣減少不平衡的社會 ==?

或許 社會裏多一點愛 每個人心裏多一點愛

就能改變一個人的想法 就能改變一場悲劇的結局

Part of the Growth

Every time I get some time to talk individually to my ward manager or one of the charged nurses, tears would fill my eyes. At times I've been feeling stressful and confused, but after each talk I'd always be alright. Today again. And I feel they appreciate me so much, that all those hard works and at times some hard feelings are worth, absolutely worth. Phil has been asking me to take some days off, because I've been working so much and so hard. But to be honest, I really like to spend time in ward, despite at times some colleagues are so...

Perhaps what's scary is not the patients with criminal backgrounds, but the complexity of human brain and behaviours. I feel fine working, talking, dealing with the patients, but not some of the colleagues! They are the ones who make me feel stressed. I know there is no perfect and ideal job. And I know no matter where I go, this colleagues-colleagues conflict would appear, and it's something that I ought to learn. I need to stress that I'm not involved directly in any of these conflicts, but perhaps I'm just looking young and innocent, people tend to tell their secrets to me and share the gossip with me.. and I feel soooo 囧 knowing so many things, all contradict to each other lol.

Anywayyyy, I'm fine, still love this job, enjoying the work, and grateful with what I've got and been learning. =)

我們說好的 - 張靚穎

最近很喜歡的一首歌

好嗎 一句話就哽住了喉
城市 當背景的海市蜃樓
我們 像分隔著一整個宇宙
再見 都化作烏有

我們說好絕不放開相互牽的手
可現實說光有愛還不夠
走到分岔的路口
你向左我向右
我們都倔強得不曾回頭

我們說好就算分開一樣做朋友
時間說我們從此不可能再問候
人群中再次邂逅
你變得那麼瘦
我還是淪陷在你的眼眸

好嗎 一句話就哽住了喉
城市 當背景的海市蜃樓
我們 像分隔著一整個宇宙
再見 都化作烏有

我們說好絕不放開相互牽的手
可現實說光有愛還不夠
走到分岔的路口
你向左我向右
我們都倔強得不曾回頭

我們說好就算分開一樣做朋友
時間說我們從此不可能再問候
人群中再次邂逅
你變得那麼瘦
我還是淪陷在你的眼眸

我們說好一起老去看細水長流
卻將會成為別人的某某
又到分岔的路口
你向左我向右
我們都強忍著不曾回頭

我們說好下個永恆裡面再碰頭
愛情會活在當時光節節敗退後
下一次如果邂逅
你別再那麼瘦
我想一直淪陷在你的眼眸
這是無可救藥愛情的荒謬

Inception (2010)

Your mind is the scene of the crime.

This is definitely one of the best-est movies I've ever watched in my life. Christopher Nolan, I'm going to remember this name (the writer and director of this movie, also the director/writer of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight). Thanks to friends who had been recommending it to me, especially yuan who believes so strongly that I'm going to like it or I wouldn't have watched it in the cinema.

Warning: Please stop reading if you haven't watched but planned to watch it.

Astounding is the word. It's so thoughtful. It made me link to a book that I was reading (and have stopped) "Human Given" (by J. Griffin & I. Tyrrell, 2003), their interpretations about dream was somehow related, although different.

How do we amend people's thought? How do we make people believe that what they believe is wrong? How do people differentiate what is reality and what is dream? How much do we know about subconscious? What can we do in subconscious state? Is collective dreaming actually possible?

I believe everyone has come out with all sort of questions after watching it. And in particular, I'm interested in the following:

How do we amend people's thought? Make them believe that what they believe is wrong or vice versa. For example, in my ward a patient used to believe that he had super power to control many things that happened (e.g. he watched the news that a kid was killed by a gun, and he believed that it was his power that made that happened, and felt guilty about it). What do we do to tell him it is not true? OR, who we are to tell him that it is NOT true? Because it's possible that what he thinks is true! who knows?

This brings out another question. How do we differentiate reality and unreality (whether it's dreams, hallucinations, etc)? We dream, we imagine, we create stories etc etc. In the book Human Given, the authors believed that people who developed schizophrenia, have got problems in differentiating dreams and reality. That is why they see things and hear sound that's not "real", as in in dreams. What make them believe that what they see/hear is real? And when they're cured, what make them believe that those are not real?

How about the ending? What do you think?? Somehow I believe that Cobb (Leonardo LiCapario - whoops my Jack in Titanic xD) got inception, and more importantly, it's by himself. A "scene" that he is so eagerly and desperately wanting to come across. You know the movie itself, even made me feel so eager to see the face of the kids! But how he get incepted? why? I don't know.

I would probably watch it again when download is available =X. Also looking for more in depth reviews, especially regarding the ending, and the connection between dreams and reality.

Inspiring. Amazing. There were tears in my eyes when I finished it. Thanks god this is a movie not a drama series, or I'd probably be thinking so much and get stuck in it xD. Yet I do hope for more inspiring and astounding psychology movies! =D

New Job. New Experience.

I've finally started my first ever full time job after my Psychology degree in the Chase Farm Hospital! What would I describe my job after working for more than 35 hours this week? I told my ward manager that I'm enjoying it, and in fact, I am! This morning had a quick chat with bpeng, I described it as rewarding and interesting yet tiring.

It's basically a forensic mental health trust, a rehabilitation ward. I guess I shouldnt go into any details about any particular patient due to confidentiality issues, but from the words "forensic" and "mental health", guess you can grasp a rough idea of how the patients are like. and YET! it's a rehab ward, so those patients actually progressed from acute wards, and then being transferred to this ward, i.e. they're KIND OF stable. I know all of them by approaching them and talking to them first, all their first impressions in my head are good, nice and stable. But I get some time to look through their files of what they have been through, what kind of crimes they committed, what kind of behaviours they taken in the past, I was really O_O shocked, some of them had been in the system for about 20 years, and are still here.

Having said it's a forensic ward, the security level is actually very high. We're carrying the keys, identity scan and an alarm with us all the time. I felt fun in the beginning, and now I'm getting used to it. But right, the place itself feels like a community rather than a hospital, with most of the living basics. I worked a late shift yesterday, and I could sense a home feeling when I was sitting in the lobby watching tv with the patients xD, and then one of them taught me playing pools.

I've got really really nice ward manager (it's like a quality guarantee as sooo many people said to me that he's really good), and because I'm the only new (and young xD) nurse in the ward, I'm happy that most of the seniors are taking good care of me, sharing their experience and telling me what dos and donts.

And so, what do I do? basically it's surrounding what the patients do, and the only part I'm not involved is giving medicine, in which we would have qualified nurses doing it. Like what the ward manager says, basically, what I do is building rapport with them, ensure they've got someone to talk to when they want to, theirs needs are fulfilled, and when they get unstable or a bit aggressive, I'd be able to calm them down. Other than that, we're doing smoking sessions, activity & meal preparations, planning meetings, care plans, risk assessments, ground leaves, tea bar (there are more, but because it's still a new ward, after a month or so, when things are all settled down, i'd get the chance to learn and see more of it). And there are quite much of paperworks as well, doing notes on each shift of how each of them is getting on, and if you're assigned to be a security nurse on your shift, there are even more stuff, like checking where each patient is hourly, make sure the environment is not hazardous etc etc.

A lot to learn, a very very very fresh and interesting new environment to me. Hope I could make the most out of it.

( to be continue.. I guess )

Officially a Londoner

I am now in Enfield, Middlesex. T__T
Extremely sore hands and back, carrying that huge luggage and heavy bags with me.
It was good I met some nice people helping me when I had to take the stairs. Very grateful, they were really nice, some were kids! I'm going to help others next time, I promise. =P

Feel so empty, don't feel like unpacking my stuff and doing the cleaning =(
Bpeng, puipui, fel.. T__T

It was even depressing thinking whether George has sent my reference back. Because of this stupid process I can't start working on Monday.. this thought itself depresses me.. I really don't want to sit and do nothing anymore.. Why can't they do things efficiently??????

Hmm anyway, my new room is nice, just that I certainly miss my old double bed =X. Need some cleaning and tidying.. Went to the tesco nearby, it was smaller than the one in Cheltenham, and I felt so lost inside.. the shelf assortment was strange =S.

Ah.. I'm going to stop writing or I'd find awful loads of stuff to complain >"<

Hope things would be in place soon!